An Amendable Heart
by undertheguiseofme
Summary: What if Edward had never returned?How would the future destiny of Bella and Edward have played out?What if after 57 years Edward wanted to make amends to Bella,only to find his biggest battle loomed ahead of him?A story about redemption and the road there
1. Liar

I'd began to formulate my leaving shortly after the accident. I saw what my being in Bella's life could do to her. Her birthday party had been the wake up call. I was finally made aware of just how dangerous it was. There was no other way. It had to be done. We had a family meeting and it was agreed that the best thing to do was just leave. Alice had been the lone dissenter. I couldn't even look at her as she pleaded with me to change my mind.

In the days leading up to our leaving, I kept pulling myself further and further away from Bella. Preparing her and myself for the day I would leave. If she noticed the chilly distance I was placing between us, she didn't let me know. It's not like I had the luxury of reading her mind.

When a vampire needs to flee, it doesn't take long. Carlisle and Esme wrapped things up in Forks quickly. Carlisle had been offered a fantastic job opportunity in Los Angeles. That was our story anyway. On the day I decided to leave, everyone had already left. If Bella tried to come to the house after this day, there would be no one there.

I could sense the anticipation coming from her as soon as I asked her if she would come on a walk with me. I didn't take her far, just a few steps inside the forest that skirted her lawn. I leaned up against a tree and stared at her, trying to get my bearings. I took less than ten minutes to tell Bella I didn't want her. Ten minutes to break her heart. Ten minutes to break mine. I hated myself for the lies that came out of my mouth and seemed to lash across her face, causing her pain. I had made the lies cruel, but perhaps even crueler was that she believed those lies. I had heard her chase after me. It was useless of her to try to follow me, but it took everything I had not to stop and go back for her.

"It will be as if I never existed." I had told her shortly before I left her there. I ran back to her house, intent to destroy the small amount of proof she had that I had ever been in her life. I took her photos from her scrapbook and my CD. I held them in my hands for a brief moment, contemplating their destruction when I second guessed myself and ripped up a floorboard and placed them there, under her bed. I inhaled her scent deeply, taking it deep inside me. A memory I would keep always. I ran downstairs and wrote a note to Charlie, imitating Bella's handwriting, saying that she was in the woods. I had left her there alone, I wanted someone to know where she was. And without looking back, I got into my car and left. The small town of Forks was just a passing blur outside my car window as I drove away from the one person I loved the most and toward a future I was sure held no joy for me

_If you wait for me then I'll come for you  
Although I've traveled far  
I always hold a place for you in my heart  
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile  
Then I'll return to you  
I'll return and fill that space in your heart  
Remembering  
Your touch  
Your kiss  
Your warm embrace  
I'll find my way back to you  
If you'll be waiting  
If you dream of me like I dream of you  
In a place that's warm and dark  
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart _

I will find my way back to you.

--**-Fifty-seven years later**--

The chemical,sterile smell of hospitals always overwhelmed my sensitive, heightened senses. I could never fully understand how Carlisle managed to put up with it on a daily basis. This place was an assault on our finely tuned senses. The constant sounds of machines beeping and going off, the grating noises of squeaky wheels from wheelchairs and gurneys rang in my ear irritating them. I wouldn't even be here if it were not for one person.

Bella.

I'd been shadowing her every movement since I left Forks. I had watched from dark sidelines as she graduated high school and then college. I had been there when she was married. I sat in a back pew, close enough to the door to make a hasty exit if I needed it. I had to hear for myself her promise to love another man till death do them part. I had flinched as her crystal clear voice answered loudly, " I do.".

What came next hurt the most. I watched sadly as Bella gave her husband two children. I would hide and watch her with them at places like the park. She never seemed more alive then she was chasing after her children. It was this happiness that I had hoped she would find after I left her that day in the forest like a coward.

So the years went on. I subjected myself to this hell of spying on her. Every smile she gave her husband, every time she bent time to scoop up one of her children in an enormous bear hug, I shrank further and further from who I was. I didn't even know who I was anymore, I certainly couldn't recognize the person I had become.

Bella went on to live her life and I was stuck in a seemingly drawn out hell. Even as she aged, I still found myself drawn to her. She had been so worried about her growing old while I stayed seventeen forever while we were together. I wanted to tell her that it wouldn't have mattered…that she had worried over nothing but the same, dark thought always crept back into my head. It didn't matter, at least to her, she had moved on with someone who would grow old with her.

I watched as her children grew up, and in turn, made their own life. Bella was now surrounded by five grand-children. I watched as she spoiled her grand-children in ways she hadn't with her own children. Ice cream before dinner, excessive toys. But when she chased after them, whether it was in her backyard or at the park, she still had that same youthful enjoyment she had all those years ago with her own kids.

She lost her husband when he was seventy-four and I watched as Bella grieved. I understood why she was desperate with her sadness. By my own admission, he had been a fine husband and father. I had met him once under a false business pretense, just to see how he measured up. No one would ever be perfect for Bella in my eyes, but he came close. So many times over that year, I wanted to comfort her. But I was a coward.

I watched silently as a once vital, glowing and thriving Bella slowly grieved herself into a bad decline of horrid health. She gave up and stopped taking care of herself. It was text book Bella to take on her suffering and internalize it. I would watch as her children tried to bring her back. The sight of her grandchildren couldn't even bring her back from this dark place she had lead herself. It was as if Bella had become a zombie, her omnipresent cloud of grief hanging over every part of, dripping down to cast itself around her and never releasing her from its hold on her.

I stood idly by and watched as she picked up infection after infection, her body and soul gradually beat down after each bout with the flu or pneumonia. How I wanted to go to her side and try to bring her back. But I had told her it would be as if I had never existed. I wasn't even sure she remembered me except for patches of fuzzy human memories that wore down with the passing of time. Surely, as new memories cropped up, her older ones got pushed further and further back. I shared this with her in the sense that my human memories were next to nothing. Hazy, cloudy things that I couldn't focus on, just out of my reach. But a vampire remembers everything about their new lives. They never forget. That she should feel so utterly alone that she would just give up...I had many regrets, and my betrayal of Bella was behind every single one.

And it's why I am at the hospital. This is my last chance to tell Bella, finally, that I am a liar, a coward and that I will always love her and have always loved her.

I stopped right outside her closed door. I could hear the soft murmurs of her families voices softly mingling together on the other side. I could see in their minds the sorrow and also faint yet happy memories of Bella as a mom and grandma. Human memories were so weak, it was a pity that something so special and wonderful as a cherished memory could fade and eventually disappear. And finally, I could Bella in their minds as she was now. Rail-thin,lying in a hospital bed with various tubes and wires covering her arms, chest, nose and mouth. If there was any punishment in the world, seeing her like this was it. I could've prevented all this. But I was a coward who ran…

I knew from their thoughts she was all but gone. She seemed to be hanging on by just the thinnest of threads. And because I was a coward, I had waited till this very moment to tell her I love her and that I had lied. I steeled myself and talked myself out of just leaving, that she wouldn't even know I had been there. This would be my last chance to tell her and I wasn't going to run this time. I opened the door and stepped into the room full of Bella's children and grand-children. And my eyes fell on Bella and where my useless, dead heart was, it grew very heavy.

_I'll find my way back to you  
Please say you'll be waiting  
Together again  
It would feel so good to be  
In your arms  
Where all my journeys end  
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you  
If you wait for me and say you'll hold  
A place for me in your heart. _

I've found my way back to you Bella.

I'd thought this out. I just couldn't step into into Bella's hospital room as Edward Cullen. Even though her family knew nothing of me, how could I explain why a seventeen year old wanted to see an...old lady I wasn't supposed to know. I hated to think of her as that and I could mentally picture a youthful Bella in my mind sticking her tongue out as if to tell me so. Thanks to Carlisle, I was able to procure his white lab coat. With my dress shirt and tie to accompany it and slicking back my hair, I looked a bit older. I could pass for a very young resident. It wasn't an exact lie as I pretended to be a doctor. I _did_ have a few medical degrees under my belt. This lie would hurt no one and it would allow a few minutes alone with Bella.

I cast a quick glance about the room. Everyone sat slumped, defeated, waiting for the end. They had barely looked up at me when I entered the room. Bella was asleep under a mound of blankets, her arms on top at her sides and her face barely peeked out from under the pile of blankets. Her features had sharpened over the years, but her creamy complexion was barely riddled with the wrinkles that accompany age. Her forehead showed them the most and was a witness to her true age, the lines were furrowed deeply here from deep thoughts and worry. Her long brown hair had been replaced many years ago with a silver that complemented her cool, clear skin. I still saw the Bella I knew, she was still there. There are some things that even the ravages of time cannot change. Her scent was still as dangerous to me as always, unchanged over the years. I felt a dull burn in my throat. Even at the end, she was determined to drive me crazy.

"I'm Dr. Masen," I told nobody in particular. No one glanced up at me, their unbearable sadness weighed them down. I wondered if Bella could feel this? This heavy atmosphere of supreme loss as they watched their beloved mother and grandmother slip further and further away from them?

"Do you mind if you stepped out for just a moment so that I may examine Mrs. Steele?" I had to force myself to say her last name. Some deep unconscious voice screamed at me that she should've been Mrs. Cullen. Should've been. Could've been. Would've been. But she wasn't. And she was dying right in front of me. All because I left her that day, alone to comfort herself after I had lashed at her with my lies. I was supposed to have been her greatest protector and I left her there to fend for herself. I thought I was saving her. Her weak,aged and very mortal heart suggested otherwise.

Dejected, too sad and too used to doctors and nurses breezing in and checking on Bella to ask why a doctor they had never seen before wanted to examine her, they got up and filed out of the room. Giving in to my pretense as a doctor, I casually walked over and gently picked up her thin arm in a guise to check her intravenous needle sites. She was so thin, her arm felt nothing more than a feather in my hands. When the last of them had left the room, I quickly closed the door and flew back to her bedside. I leaned over and placed my cool lips on her forehead and pressed a kiss there. No change in her heart rate, no change in her breathing patterns. Now I was the one feeling dejected. I had been so sure that no matter how long we had been apart, a single touch would re-ignite our inexplicable bond that had seemed to run so deep between us.

When you live forever, you don't have to think of death. Our kind is usually removed from any situation that would allow us to watch as those we loved died. After our change, we were not safe to go back to those we loved. The bloodlust was part of it, but also our physical changes. To keep our secret, we cut ourselves off from those we had once loved. Whether it was a faked death or something as simple as just disappearing, we cut off all ties. Some of us watch our loved ones from the dark shadows like I had with Bella, but most were content to never look back, like Rosalie. After she had exacted her revenge against those who had wronged her, she never wanted to see anyone, even secretly from her old life. I had never had to give much thought to how much this was bound to hurt the ones you left behind. My own parents died before me, I had no one left behind to miss me.

But I was watching my beloved Bella slip further away from me. I could tell by her faint heartbeat, her hours were limited. This heaviness that I now felt overtook every single part of my body making it unbearable. If I could feel pain, this would be it. I would carry this with me for a long time, it may never fade. It was another sentence on my already lengthy punishment.

I sat on the edge of her bed and clasped her thin hand in mine and my whole body silently shuddered with a tear-less cry. "I'm so sorry Bella. I told you a most heinous lie, because I was a coward. I loved you too much. I only wanted you to have the happiness I thought you deserved." My words came out choked, disjointed.

"I will always love you. If there is any part of you that can still hear me, know that. I loved you then, I love you now and I will always love you. I put you alone above everything else." I leaned down once more to kiss her, this time on her cheek, letting her scent overwhelm me.

"Goodbye, my love. What I wouldn't give to be able to go back..." I pushed the thought out of my mind. You can't change what happened in the past. Not even a vampire could do that. I let go of her hand and pulled myself away from her bed. For as long as _I _lived, I would never forget this memory. It would always be as clear to me in one hundred years, even one thousand years from now as it was right at this moment. Another form of punishment for me I suppose.

I turned to walk to the door and as I reached to open it, it swung open and slammed right into my face. The wood splintered off of my nose and the accompanying boom made the whole door shake. A very visible hole was now in the door from where it had met my nose. I didn't feel a thing of course, but the door took a beating. A light, airy voice came from the other side as she pushed her way in, seemingly not noticing the violent explosion the door had just taken in her hurry to get in.

"I don't care if he is a doctor, I'm going in to see her, I've been at college and work all day. No one is keeping me from her. Our time is almost over with her!"

I was wiping the splinters off my nose when she entered the room, shoving the door wide open. I jumped back to escape the door again when my eyes met her face. Standing in the doorway, was Bella. A perfect carbon copy, except this Bella flashed me a set of light jade green eyes and she was taller by a good two inches.

I tried to reach into her brain, to search her thoughts, but found it was as closed to me as much as Bella's mind had been.

"Emilia, I'm sure your grandmother knows you're here, no need to yell." A balding man said as he passed through the door. I could see he was her father and Bella's son from his thoughts. The rest of the family shuffled in behind him and took their places in the room. Waiting for Bella to die. I could see that much in their heads. The room held its collective breath, a heavy weight filled the room.

But not hers. She perched on the edge of Bella's bed and took her thin hand gingerly into her own.


	2. Deja vu

I rocked back on my heels, as a new scent, _her_ scent drifted to me. Not as strong as Bella's scent, but different, dare I say, even more appealing. It hit me and I closed my eyes and fought off the very real desire to kill her. It was a battle between my mind controlling my body. I curled my hands into tight balls at my side and didn't inhale as I backed out of the room. No one in the room had noticed me not say anything as I turned to leave. They were still deep in their bedside wake for Bella. No one lifted a head when I slipped out the door. Once I was in the hall I walked at the fastest pace I could possibly pass off as human without drawing attention to myself.

I flew down a flight of stairs and burst out through the door, into the cloudy afternoon. A small group of nurses who had gathered at the back to take a cigarette break looked at me as I charged through the door. Their minds were on drivel, complaining about patients, gripes about co-workers. My sudden arrival changed this to wonder at what had drove me out the door so fast. A nurse quietly mused that I had probably gotten green around the edges in the O.R.. If only it had been that.

Was this some sort of sick punishment for what I had done to Bella? Was the universe trying to give me a hint? I closed my eyes and pushed out all the voices around me. What I really wanted to do was to go back into that room and drink every last drop of her blood. My mind was going crazy, my body ached with a desire for her blood. My throat was on fire. _Stop it_. _STOP IT._. _Think Edward_. Emilia. Her dad had called her Emilia. She had a name. She had a family. She was part of Bella and Bella was a part of her. I couldn't do it, no matter how badly it tempted me. Waves of deja vu' swept over me. Another unique sensation for a vampire to have. We'd seen and done it all. Deja vu' became a moot point.

It took me right back to the first day in biology class with Bella. I fought off the horror of that memory, of me planning exactly how quickly I could decimate the class after I had killed her. Leaving no witnesses. That had just been a classroom of children to me. I didn't know Bella then. Nothing had mattered at that point other then tasting her sweet blood.

I knew her now and loved her and that was her family up there. I could never allow myself to harm anyone Bella had loved. I couldn't live with _that_ punishment. I had enough to last me for eternity. I was all stocked up on self-imposed punishments.

I walked to my car. This was maddening.

I drove around aimlessly. Bella had a look alike granddaughter and her scent was just as intoxicating and quite possibly more dangerous for me then Bella's had been. This was some sort of sick twisted joke the universe had imposed on me, tormenting me both with a hunger for Emilia's blood and a sick fascination to get to know her better. _Gah_. There it was again. Damn deja vu'. I made a waving motion about my head as if I could shoo off the feeling and then cursed at myself for being such an idiot. I angrily shrugged my way out Carlisle's lab coat and threw it in the back seat.

The trees shot past my window as I continued to drive with no destination in mind. I flew past other cars on the blind curves. If I could have a death wish, this might be it. Not that a simple thing like my model year 2064 silver Volvo sea water hybrid sedan meeting up with the front of a logging truck would do any harm to me. I would walk away from it, shaking the debris off me and she would still be the first thing on my mind.

I suddenly realized where I wanted to go. I hadn't been there in fifty-seven years. The last time, Bella had been with me. It was just another trip to our meadow on that day. I didn't know at the time, it would be our last time there. No matter how many times I had carried her on my back through the forest to the meadow, it had always managed to thrill her.

I made a u-turn in the road, my tires screeching against the hard pavement as I stomped on the gas to get the car back to a tolerable speed limit that hovered around a hundred-fifty. It was a bit slow for me, but I was thinking. I took it easy when I was thinking in the car.

I pulled off the road and got out of my car and raced through the trees and underbrush of the forest. A thick dampness hung in the air, a constant presence here among the deep green mosses and leaves. I ran so fast, my feet barely touched the forest floor. I was aiming for mental clarity here. Maybe the quietness and seclusion of the meadow would give it to me.

I finally bounded out of the forest and tumbled into the open space of the meadow. The grass was tall, purple and yellow wildflowers dotted its landscape. In the growing dimness of evening, the last of the bees were collecting their days pollen and butterflies fluttered about. Absolute peace greeted me here. I fell into the grass, my body crashing down on the ground. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the sky. Grey as usual.

Maybe I could keep the doctor pretense up just a bit longer. To learn more about Bella from Emilia. Was that weird? Was there anything worth talking about Bella that I didn't already know? I could get to know Emilia better. No. No. No. Not again.

Once again, that pesky deja vu' reared its ugly head. I wasn't going to leave her alone. I don't think I could. She looked so much like Bella. It was amazing. And I was a little proud of Bella for having such strong genes. I couldn't help but to smile at that. I shook my head and gave up. I was hopeless.

So it seemed I had figured out or at the very least, tried to convince myself that it would be alright just to talk to Emilia about Bella. I could control myself around Bella. I could manage a few minutes with her granddaughter. A _granddaughter_ that could have passed for her twin. A _granddaughter _that smelled incredibly good. I wouldn't, couldn't harm her. Not for her sake, not for mine and certainly not for Bellas. And if in the process I learned a little bit about Emilia herself, I could consider myself a lucky man.


	3. Uninvited

I pulled into a parking spot at the hospital in Forks. I reached in the back seat and grabbed Carlisle's lab coat. I put it on and opened the car door. It was dark now. The bright lights of the parking lot lights illuminated a dim path on the dark pavement that I had trouble seeing, even with my excellent vision. I absently wondered how many people were hurt trying to find their way into the hospital.

Out of all the voices in the hospital, I focused on the ones coming from Bella's room. Their dark, sad thoughts urged me forward now.I took the stairs to Bella's room, flying with speed and grace. Outside her door, I was met with a sluggish,weak heartbeat. Its thumps were slow now, barely beating at all. I closed my eyes. For longer than I should have allowed it, I pondered changing Bella just to save myself from having to hear this, her dying heart. I envisioned myself picking her lifeless body off the bed and I would be gone with her before anyone even had the chance to get out of a chair in protest. I stopped myself only because, once again, I was a coward. Even though I could be the one to save her, perhaps Bella didn't need saving this time. Perhaps Bella had been saved the day she married her husband and started her family. I couldn't take her family away from her. I was not that selfish. This was how it was supposed to happen. It was the natural course our lives had taken after I left her that day. If I hadn't left, Bella would still be radiantly young and by my side somewhere else. Not here, not an old woman dying in a damn hospital bed. This hellish moment was occuring all because I had lied and made a horrible mistake.

Her frail beats came to my ears as if teasing me, mocking me, telling me I caused all this.They reminded me that Bella was a weak mortal. Her dying heart was making that painfully obvious to me. My Bella. Slipping away from me forever.

I opened the door and walked into her room. I immedialtely noticed Bellas once strong, alluring scent was slowly fading as well, but Emilia and her scent captured me, knocking me back just so slightly that no one would've noticed it. My throat blazed with thirst. I steeled myself against the fire. Bella was all that mattered now. The atmosphere had not changed, if anything it had grown even more heavy, with the realization that her final moments were so close. Her cardiac monitor already showed what I already knew. Sinus bradycardia, when the resting heart rate slows to sixty beats or under per minute. No doubt the agonal rhythm would follow soon, one of the last heart rhythms before the dying heart flatlined . A flurry of cold, rigid medical terms came to mind. Moribund. Asystole. Sudden Cardiac Death.

I walked over to her bed and held her hand. It felt cold even against my unnaturally cold self. I pretended to be checking her pulse, her I.V. sites, whatever I could think of to not let go of her hand. I would hold it to the very end, I made myself promise. Her heart rate was now down in the fifties. It was slowly beginning to fall even lower. Forty now. I tightened my grip on her hand, hoping for a gentle squeeze back that she knew I was there. There was nothing of course, just my accute hearing picking up the painfully hollow thumping in her chest. Thirty beats now. Fifteen. She was going, slipping ever so gently further away. There had been so much I had wanted to say to Bella. There had been so many things I had wanted to discover with Bella. I had wanted to make her my whole life. And those chances were all gone now. Her quickly faded heart reverberated in my ears, reminding me of this. _Goodbye Bella, love_.

Memories came swirling back now. _Our meadow_. _Alone with Bella in her room_. _Watching Bella sleep_. _Kissing Bella. Holding Bella. _Whatever it was that made up this bond between us, whatever I felt in this moment, whatever happens after this moment, our love would not be changed by her death. It will be carried by us both wherever we go,in this life and the next one. If I have a next life. Bella was a shoo-in for the next one. I was more pessimistic about my chances.

The room stirred now as the slowing beeps of her cardiac monitor roused them out of their grief induced stupor and they pushed their way to her bedside. I let go of her hand. I broke my promise. Her family should be the one by the bed. Not caring that I had witnesses, I tenderly pushed back a small strand of hair off her forehead as I moved back away to let her family say their goodbyes.

The silence was punctuated by the beeps of her monitor.Ten now. Bella made no sounds. Her eyes closed, her lips pulled into a small grin. She looked peaceful. Silent sobs finally broke through and loud cries began. Murmurs of "I love you", "I will miss you", "Goodbye mom", "Bye, bye grandma" danced lightly and ever so softly across the bittersweet, heart wrenching oppressive surface of the room. The grief was very much palpable. You could feel it, invading every space of the room. Bella had loved and Bella had been loved. This room was full of that love.

They surrounded her bed, a circle of family, telling her goodbye. I suddenly felt very claustrophobic. To be sharing this intimate moment of Bella's death with her family was something I fiercely felt. I wanted to close my eyes, but I made myself hold them open. I made myself witness this. I made sure I could never forget this moment. This moment, her last moment was just another sentence to be carried out on my eternal punishment, insured that my everlasting vampire memories would not fail me on that matter.

A dull throb appeared in my chest and I had to choke back my silent tearless cry. The monitor gave one last beep and the sharp constant beep that her heart had stopped filled the room. I stared at her intently, as if I thought my non human eyes could somehow see what human eyes couldn't, her soul leaving. I watched, half expecting I could see it happen. I exhaled, not for any real purpose other than to just exhale and let it all out. When I took my next intake of air, I noticed Bella's scent was gone. _She_ was gone. My beautiful, clumsy, sometimes strong-headed, sometimes whiny but always perfect in my eyes Bella was gone. It was over. And it was as if someone had reached into me and yanked out everything that made me, down to my core I had been stripped. I felt empty. I was empty.

A nurse came in the room silently and turned the monitor off. I ducked behind a curtain so she wouldn't see me. I hadn't figured out a way out of this situation yet, when Carlisle walked in. I could always count on him with the save.

He gave me a brief nod and walked to Bella's bed. He looked down at her and I knew he was incredibly sad at her loss as well. He had thought of Bella as a daughter. He whispered soft, sympathetic words to Bella's children and turned his attention to her grand-children. They ranged in age from what appeared to be late teens to ten years old at the most. That they had been denied anymore Bella at such a young age shot through me, only further worsening my pain.

Emilia was still sitting at the window looking out. Turned away from us at her grandmothers bed, looking out the window into the darkness. Carlisle saw me as he was walking towards the door. I was still standing close by Bella's bed. I didn't want to leave.

_What are you doing still here? Bella is gone._ He asked me,I could feel the tinge of worry in his minds voice.

I simply shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't move.

As I stood there trying to figure out what to do, Emilia shot past me and by Carlisle and through the door. Her scent assaulted me as she ran by.

I knew what I was going to do.

I couldn't read her thoughts, but I could smell her. I whipped past Carlisle, leaving him with a dazed look on his face. I followed her scent outside. I could see her, walking away from the hospital on the sidewalk. She had her arms wrapped around her, as if she was hugging herself. I watched for what seemed an eternity, but in reality was just a couple minutes before she walked over to the grass and fell on her knees, body racked by quiet sobs that were picked up by my ears.

I couldn't get to her fast enough, trying to walk at a speed that wouldn't arouse her suspicions was killing me. She didn't move as I got closer. How I wanted to go to her side and pull her close to me. To let her know I also felt the same intense grief she was feeling now. But I also had a selfish part of me that wanted to pull her closer because she looked so much like Bella and her scent...that scent that was luring me in.

"I'm so sorry about your grandmother," was all I could get out. I waited for something else more eloquent come to me, but I was truly stumped. Nothing needed to be said really.

Emilia wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and looked up at me and smiled. "It's OK. Really. My grandma always told me not to grieve for her, that when she died, she had led a full life. Not to be sad for her."

I smiled as she shared this little bit of Bella with me. Bella had been happy with her life. Our timing had been wrong. Just like Romeo and Juliet.

"I am crying because I miss her. But you want to know something? Grandma asked that we have a party for her funeral. To play loud, happy music. For us to get drunk and dance with lampshades on our heads in celebration of her life," she smiled faintly at this. "I always thought it was the oddest thing, but I guess I can finally see what she meant."

I just stood there and nodded. I was still strangely tongue tied.

"You look really young to be a doctor. How old are you?" she asked as she stood.

I mentally pulled a random age out of my head.

"Twenty-six" I said smoothly, no hint of lie in my voice.

"You look really young for twenty-six." Emilia cocked her head and looked at me. "How long have you been twenty-six?"

"Not very long." I answered back truthfully.

She bit down on her lips and looked at me more closely. "Isn't twenty-six kind of young to be a doctor already?" She asked with such a tone in her voice it was almost as if she was trying to figure me out.

"I started young. I graduated high school at sixteen." I lied again.

She just nodded her head. Lying was like second nature to my kind. It was necessary even.

"I guess I should get back." But she didn't move.

I didn't know if that meant she wanted to be left alone here to finish crying or because I was here.

"Do you want me to walk you back?"

"If you want to," she said with a shrug of shoulders.

Her voice was different then Bella's had been. A bit lighter, more...dainty even. Bella's voice had been tinged by sole virtue of her being years older then she really was. Bella's voice had been a bit deeper then her granddaughters voice. Her voice, her green eyes and her height. Otherwise, Emilia was a perfect replica.

We took off walking back to the hospital. I kept my hands held tightly behind my back. Dear God, her scent... I wanted to nuzzle up against her neck, to inhale her fully.

"So, you been in Forks long?" she said, breaking the silence between us.

"I've been here off and on for years,' I replied back. Once again, not a lie exactly.

"I've lived here all my life and I've never seen you." She stopped and turned to me. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Emilia Steele. Thanks for taking care of my grandma."

Her last words hit me hard. If I had taken care of Bella like I should have, this whole conversation wouldn't be taking place. But then I realized, had that been the course I had taken, I wouldn't be able to have this conversation with Emilia. The heaviness and irony of how destiny often works fell over me. Either way, how the end result of that one fateful day in the forest with Bella after her birthday party could've worked out, maybe this wasn't a bad thing...

"I'm Edward Masen. I only wish I could've done more for your grandmother." Again, not a lie.

She smiled at me. "I'm sure you did everything you could for her. She was ready to go, I think. I don't think she found life much to live for after grandpa died. I imagine they are together now." She couldn't possibly know just how hard those words cut into me.

I was torn between my grief over losing Bella and this overwhelming feeling for Emilia that was building up in me. I felt like a traitor to Bella. I should be thinking of ways to die to dull my pain. Instead, I was thinking of ways I could continue to see Emilia. These feelings were battling within me, a very real threat that could destroy me.

Emilia turned to walk back toward the hospital and I stared at her, walking away from me as a fine mist began to fall. She paused at the entrance, looking back at me as if to ask if I coming in out of the rain. I continued to stand there watching as she went through the doors. I closed my eyes.

"Damn it, Edward," I cursed to myself as I let the cool mist sweep over me.


	4. Emilia

I woke up to bright sunlight streaming through my bedroom windows. A rarity in this town called Forks. A mellow purr met my ears as I rolled out of bed and padded to my bathroom. Shadow, my black cat, jumped off her pillow on the bed and followed me into the bathroom, parking herself in front of the door. Her royal highness was no doubt waiting for me, the lowly peon, to fix her breakfast. I stuck my tongue out at her and gave a quiet hiss at her. She swished her tail before she sauntered off, most likely to pee on something of mine.

I splashed some cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I guess I did sort of look like her when she was younger. He had told me I did. He had seemed momentarily stunned when I had asked him how he could possibly know that. But he had pointed to a picture of my grandma when she was about my age on my desk. I wondered why I had never noticed it. The only face I had ever seen of grandma young was was in pictures. It was sometimes hard to put pictures and faces together in my mind and reconcile them together for some reason. I turned on the shower and adjusted the hot water to my liking. I stepped in and let the water rush over me. waking me up and bringing me to life.

It had been six weeks since grandma died. My sour, dull mood had not lifted much. I was still deep in the realization that I would never see her again. Her funeral, while not exactly the party she wanted, was full of her family and friends. Some old guy named Mike Newton had shown up, saying over and over again something about unrequited love, shaking his cane at me. I think he must have had Alzheimer's. A kindly looking woman cast me apologetic looks as she rushed up to us and swept him away

Her family loved her so much. She gave us so much. I hoped she knew how much she had been loved in return. The church seemed to swell with the amount of love contained within its walls for Isabella Marie Swan Steele. I had been surprised to see her doctor there. He looked just a mournful as the rest of us which seemed kind of odd to me considering I had only met him the night my grandma died and I knew he hadn't been in to see her before.

At 21, I was the oldest of Bella Steele's grandkids. I thought back to when she was my age. She had traveled over half the world already and was working on flight lessons. She had met my grandpa at college, but they dated for over five years before she agreed to marry him. He spoiled her rotten, and she looked at him like he had hung the moon. I hoped I could be that lucky. Eventually. I'd had a long standing notion of the perfect gentleman in my hand. Ever since I was a little girl I imagined my own Prince Charming. Groomed from an early reading of Jane Austen, the Bronte' sisters and others, I conditioned myself to only accept one type of man. Grandma had introduced me to _Pride and Prejudice_ and _Wuthering Heights_. I guess I can blame my fascination with men of another time on her. Cultured, educated, refined. But that guy was someone from another generation, another century really. They didn't make them like that anymore. Or so I thought.

I had agreed to go out for coffee with him. He had walked up to me as I was leaving the church and stunned me by flashing this most brilliant smile, it was all I could do to stammer out yes, I don't think I could've told him no even if I had wanted to. It was almost like he was this amazingly beautiful Venus Fly trap and I was the fly caught in his trap. And as we talked over my double shot latte, I got the oddest sensation that Edward Masen was not of this earth. He couldn't be. He was just too...perfect. I could barely look at him lest he dazzled me into total oblivion. I had told him that once while we were on another date, this time at Port Angeles. I had gotten lost from him in the crowds that had gathered for a street festival. I found myself walking alone on some deserted alleyway. I had wandered too far away and the sketchy people hanging out in the dim light of the alley way had me skittish. Edward had appeared out of nowhere to guide me back to the festival. He took me to a restaurant and as he sat across from me, his smile had dazzled me and I had told him so. A weird expression flashed on his face before he lowered his head. I think I must have embarrassed him with my gushing.

He wasn't like other guys. At least the few guys I knew. He liked to read, we would just often sit around in my apartment, sprawled out on my couch, as we both read. He loved classical music and he didn't mind to go to the opera or the ballet with me, we had made a few trips to Seattle to see some amazing productions. He was cultured, handsome and extremely sure of himself. He treated me like an absolute lady. And I knew he was eating every second of it up. I felt swept up in whirlwind. It was dizzying. I hadn't had much experience with men before him. I had been too busy with school and just had an overall disinterest in them. Till Edward. He absolutely dazzled me. Frequently.

Aside from absolutely dazzling me, I could sense an enormous amount of sadness from him. I hadn't asked him about it. I figured he would tell me about it on his own time. Sometimes, he would get incredibly quiet and I would look up at him and he would just be staring so intently at me...it gave me goosebumps this longing look he would sometimes cast my way when he thought I wasn't looking.

He would be here soon. He was taking me hiking, and wouldn't relent even when I tried to uselessly whine my way out of it. He got his way of course. I don't normally like to hike, but I think I would follow Edward to the gates of hell and back again. I didn't like to be apart from him. I didn't feel right inside when he wasn't here. I was anxious, thinking of him constantly until I saw him again. I hadn't wanted to seem to clingy this soon, I wasn't sure it was so healthy for me to be feeling this so intensely so soon. So I kept myself as restrained and cool as I could around him. I could guess from his words and actions that he was feeling _something_, I just wasn't sure if it was as strong as my feelings. I didn't want to chase him off by being overbearing. It was killing me to be so restrained. So far, nothing serious had happened. He hadn't tried to suck my face off, or go straight for my boobs or get in pants two minutes after meeting me like the other guys I had dated before him. Like I said, he was the perfect gentleman. And it was making me crazy for him. I wanted more. Maybe this was part of his plan, to drive me crazy with passion until I combusted from the heat.

I searched in my puny closet for something appropriate to wear. I wasn't really a clothes person. I had two types of clothes, work/school clothes and at home clothes consisting of beat up sweats and stretched out tank tops. I pulled out a pair of jeans and stuffed my legs in them and pulled on a tee shirt and grabbed my heather gray hoodie. I didn't have any hiking books, so I put on my cross training shoes and laced them up. I twisted my hair up in a crooked ponytail and swiped on some Chapstick. I searched for a small backpack and threw in some snacks and a few water bottles. I fed Shadow, who sniffed haughtily at the food in her dish before she finally deemed it acceptable to eat. I peeled a banana and nibbled on it, watching the clock slowly creep along.

I pulled back the curtain and peeked out the window. The sun was gone now, nothing new about that. But the cloud cover didn't look that threating. I caught the glint off of a silver Volvo coming down the street. My heart instantly leapt at the sight of recognizing his car. He was pulling next to my ten year old Camry in the parking lot and I was out the door in a flash. I couldn't wait to be with him.


	5. hike

I loved to watch Emilia blush. She did it often in front of me. I would say something and she would drop her eyes and her cheeks would go scarlet. She had accused me of dazzling her frequently, something someone else used to tell me.

I had been out hunting that night, I didn't want any undo temptation. It was hard enough that her scent sent me so far over the edge. I was going to be meeting her in a few hours to take her hiking. I had been a bit dismayed when the sun came out this morning, but by 10 A.M the clouds were back. And I was glad I wouldn't have to make up some excuse to cancel. She needed a break from studying for finals. Emilia was determined to graduate in five years instead of the current six year plan most college students were on. I chuckled to myself, I remembered when one could complete college in four years. If they keep adding requirements like they do nowadays, people will be getting out of college in time to collect their retirement benefits.

She had seemed like a very lonely person when I saw her at Bella's funeral. She had hovered near the back. I had wanted to step in when Mike Newton started yelling at her and prodding his cane at her. I could tell from his addled thoughts he had thought she was Bella. Pity stopped me from killing him and even though he seemed to be dealing with dementia, I didn't want to risk him remembering me. Although, looking back, since he already thought Emilia was Bella, it might have been fun to play with him a bit to turn up suddenly next to her. But I didn't want to give him a heart attack.

My life up till this point had been shadowing Bella. After we had left Forks, we settled in Ireland for a few years, moving to Scotland and then various places in Washington, Maine, Canada and Alaska. I would leave my family often to spy on Bella, I could never get over the feeling of her not being safe and I also had to witness her happy life to satisfy some sick obsession I had. I existed only barely, hunting, watching Bella. I withdrew from my family. I heard their concerns over the years as they thought about me in their minds. They didn't even bother to try to cover their worried thoughts. But meeting Emilia had steered my life in a whole new direction. I was almost back to normal according to Alice. She was constantly flittering around me now, telling me about her sights of the future. So far she hadn't seen anything with me and Emilia beyond we were making each other happy now. But I could tell she was delighted I was happy again and Emilia was the source of that happiness.

Emilia had been slow to open up to me. What I took at first as disinterest was wrong. Not unlike what I had encountered with Bella at first. Once again, deja vu' sensations would pop up here and there. It took a lot to really freak out a vampire. But so far, this whole thing with Emilia had that effect. Calling me dazzling, walking into potential danger in Port Angeles. Other small things she did or we did together. I could chalk it all up to chance but that would be doing chance a disservice. It was all linked. There was nothing random about all this. It was all connected and it all went back to Bella and myself and the fateful decision I made that day when I left her in the forest.

Emilia wasn't Bella of course. Apart from looking alike they did share a few common traits. She was shy, unsure of herself, and she couldn't believe I found her beautiful. She preferred to stay in with a good book. But there were differences. She was more reserved than Bella had been. She was not clumsy like Bella had been, in fact Emilia moved with grace not unlike that of a vampire. She kept more to herself and she was incredibly good with a poker face. It was driving me mad not to know what she was thinking. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and ravage her with kisses, but I had so far kept things cool.

I was hyper aware of how my skin probably felt to her. I tried to limit contact. If it bothered her or raised any suspicions, I couldn't tell. I had kissed her, I couldn't help it. But I had kept them light and quick. I was getting frustrated, but she seemed OK with how things were progressing. I wanted to tell her why I wasn't going farther, showing her more passion, more enthusiasm, but that would require me telling her my secret. And I wasn't sure she was up for that now. She may never be up for it. But one thing was certain, I was absolutely besotted with her. I wanted to love her, to take care of her. But I was also holding myself back. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

I went upstairs to shower the grime off me and change. I heard Esme and Carlisle having an animated conversation about a serious overhaul of the house. And I could hear Rosalie singing to herself, probably as she was staring in a mirror, looking at herself. The rest of my family, Alice, Jasper and Emmett were out hunting. The house was very quiet without them. I turned the water as hot as it would go and stood under it, washing all traces of my hunt off of me. The hot water made me almost alive as it met my cold skin. It burned slightly, as my cold skin absorbed the warmth.

I quickly washed off and threw on some outdoorsy type clothing Alice had got me from Newton's Outfitters. I searched through my closet before I found a pair of hiking boots. I grabbed my phone and tucked it into a pocket and was out the door and into my car in a flash. I drove as quickly as I could to her apartment .She was out the door before I had even pulled into the driveway. She greeted me with a huge smile and I smiled back. I got out of the car and ran around, at a sluggish human pace, to open the door for her. Once we were all settled in, we set off for the great outdoors.

We didn't say much as I drove the car. She kept her face turned, looking out the window. The greyness of this place made everything glow green a bit more brilliantly if that was possible. The lush green trees of the forest stood out against the oppressive gray skies and often rainy days defiantly.

I didn't have to drive long before I turned onto the dirt and gravel road that lead to a rough dirt parking spot at the beginning of the trails. I put the car in park and took out the keys. I turned to face her.

"You ready for this?" I said, making sure I flashed her a crooked smile.

She blushed and cast her eyes down. I loved that I did this to her. Dazzle her that is.

I got out of the car, but before I could open her door, she was already out. She slung a little backpack over her shoulders and glanced warily at the entrance to the trails. I suppose it could look a little imposing, the trail leading into the dark forest. I couldn't read her mind, the look on her face had me worried. She wasn't thinking I was some serial killer and I had brought her out her to kill her and bury her here, was she?

"You OK?" I asked casually.

'I'm not much of a hiker. Well, I haven't ever really gave it a go," she smiled at me. "But I've never had such an appealing offer before."She blushed again.

"I'll be very easy with you. I promise." I slammed her with my biggest smile and her cheeks glowed a brilliant red.

We walked silently for awhile. I could tell she wasn't really an outdoors sort of person. She got skittish when she heard something off to the side of her from the forest. She kept mumbling something about the poison of rattlesnakes and dangers of mountain lions. She didn't realize who she was hiking with. She was walking unknowingly next to the world's most lethal killing kind. A vampire. I would never let either one get close enough to hurt her.

We walked farther into the woods. We would occasionally pass other hikers. Their thoughts full of exhaustion but also rejuvenated at the beauty around them.

I stopped her after a couple hours. She looked like she needed a break and she wasn't the type to complain. Just like her grandmother. She would silently suffer. We sat on the cool grass under the canopy of the forest. I leaned back on my elbows, legs crossed at the ankles. I had my head back, eyes closed. She sat next to me, cross legged, drinking from her water bottle.

"You want some water?' She asked, I could hear her rummaging around her backpack to get me a bottle..

"I'm good." I replied.

"You don't drink much," she said casually.

_If only you knew how much I drink _I thought to myself.

"Really? I think I drink too much. Probably why I'm not thirsty now." That was a lie. I was thirsty. Extremely thirsty. Despite my hunt this morning, her scent overpowered that. It tried to make me weak, but I was stronger. I could fight off the intoxication. What I was practicing was not all that much different then an alcoholic going through AA.

The wind had shifted slightly. It was blowing from the northwest now. A strange, new scent lingered on it. I tried to place it, but I couldn't. I looked around casually, and saw nothing out of place nor heard anything out of place. It was unsettling, but as far as I could see, there was nothing imminent to be worried about. But it was better to be safe then sorry.

"Ready?" I asked, but it wasn't a question. I was already up. She took another drink of water before she screwed the lid on. She stood up and bent over to put the bottle back in her backpack. And at that moment I smelled the strange scent again. It was stronger now. She had just slung the backpack over her shoulder and turned to me, when her mouth dropped and her eyes got big. I looked quizzically at her before I turned around to see what she was looking at.

Staring down at us from a nearby tree was a huge black panther. These things are not supposed to exist in these parts. Actually, a lot of people were pretty sure they were imaginary. But here was one, staring us down. It would explain why its scent was so unfamiliar to me.

I immediately crouched in front of Emilia.

"Don't make a sound or move one inch." I hissed to her through my clenched teeth.

The big cat eyed us, its tail sweeping from side to side as if it were bored. It lay it ears behind as Emilia moved her foot slightly and some leaves crunched. It was in that instant that I knew this slight sound was all the cat had needed to be provoked. It leaped down, as a deep growl escaped it. My instincts, honed over a century to hunt and kill kicked in and I jumped up to meet it. I forgot about everything in that moment except the giant cat. We collided in mid-air, a mess of black fur and impenetrable vampire skin. We tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other. I pounced on top, and it took a swipe at my face. I didn't feel it, but it enraged me. I sank my teeth into its neck, perfectly hitting the jugular. The creature let out a blood curdling scream as I drained it of its blood. It twitched slowly under me, and then it was quiet. It was in that moment that I remembered I was not alone on some hunting trip.

Oh hell.

Emilia.

She had witnessed the whole thing.

I turned to look at her. A look of complete horror etched on her face, too shocked to say anything.

We both looked at each other, not saying anything. She slowly began to shake her head before she ran away from me. I looked down at the dead animal under me. She'd seen what I was. I was frozen. I needed to go after her, to explain. But I couldn't. I couldn't physically get myself up.

When I could finally move myself, I couldn't see Emilia anymore. I ran after her, catching up with her as she walked quickly down the path towards the car.

"Emilia,please. Wait..."I started to say before she swung around and tried to slap me. I quickly ducked out of the way, not because I didn't want to be slapped, but because the bones in her hand and possibly even the bone in her arm could be shattered if she hit me. It would be like an egg falling on the hard floor.

My sudden movement infuriated her more. Her face was red, wet with sweat. Little tendrils of her hair stuck to her forehead and cheeks. She glared at me before she spun on her heels and started walking again, her hands curled into fists at her sides. I walked a few paces behind her as a small group of teenage boy hikers rushed up behind us.

'I got it on my cell phone camera! Think CNN or like, People would pay for the pictures?" A blonde teen boy said as he pushed his way past me.

"No dude, we gotta go back and get it. It's like, finding Bigfoot or something, you gotta have real proof."

They roughly pushed Emilia out of the way and I let out a low growl as I rushed to her side to keep her from falling. My cold hand on her elbow sent a shock through her. She looked hard at me before she shrugged off my arm. She started to walk but she turned around so quickly I almost ran into her.

"What the FUCK was that back there?" she screamed at me. She threw her hands up in the air and screamed and then turned around and stomped off. "Oh. My. Fucking. Hell."

I scratched my eyebrow, not because it itched, but because it seemed the right thing to do while I pondered this situation.

"Emilia, if you would just stop for one second, I can explain this whole thing," I called after her.

She didn't answer me. She kept walking on, even though she had gotten off the right trail that headed in the direction of the car. I sighed. I couldn't just let her walk half way across Washington before she figured out she was on the wrong trail.

I ran to her and scooped her up in my arms. She protested loudly of course and demanded I put her down.

"You're going the wrong way. You're tired," I said as I kept ducking my head out of the way of her flailing arms and hands. She was pretty darn spunky. I liked that. "And if you would stop trying to hit me, I can get us to my car much faster than if we walked."

She eyed me suspiciously and that gave me just enough time to reach across and restrain her arms. She pouted at me and I couldn't help but give her a cocky half grin. She blushed and I knew I wasn't _that_ much of a lost cause to her.

I took off for the car, she gasped when she realized just how fast we were going.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," she said weakly. I grinned.

"Just close your eyes, your grandmother had the same problem. It worked for her." That comment rendered her speechless the rest of the way back to my Volvo.

She sighed again. Her arms were crossed across her chest and she leaned so far away from me she was scrunched up next to the door. I should be the one that was furious. She had no idea how tempting her scent was and being closed up in the car with her was killing me.

"I sorry. But I wasn't going to let you walk home. No matter how much you protested." I tried to sound cheerful. Anything to lighten this mood.

She sighed again, this time very loudly and I threw up a hand in defeat. I watched the road ahead. Traffic was light. We met the occasional logging trucks and a few other cars, but for the most part we had the road to ourselves.

The scenery flashed by us as I pressed on toward Forks. She hadn't said anything about my speed. I guess my going one-hundred plus miles was nothing next to learning your boyfriend had dated your grandmother and was a vampire. Maybe the sight of me killing the panther had been to much? I don't know. It might be a possibility. _Gee, you think Edward? _I swatted at my head to silence my thoughts like I was shooing a fly away. Emilia looked at me, rolling her eyes before she turned back to look out the window.

"Can you please say _something_? Scream at me? Just don't try to hit me. You will only hurt yourself."

Silence.

I pursed my lips together and then I sighed loudly. Her spunk had turned into sheer stubbornness now.

"Are you scared of me?" I asked her quietly.

She didn't sigh, but she didn't say anything either. She moved in her seat slightly, stretching her legs out. She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. I reached over and grabbed her hand. My touch made her hand jolt, as if she had just touched a venomous snake. I ignored her jolt and took her hand in mine. She didn't let go or try to pull out of my hand.

"Emilia. Will you please talk to me? For the love of God. I'm going crazy here." I pleaded with her.

She pulled herself up straighter in the seat and turned her head towards me.

"You are the guy grandma wrote about in her journal, aren't you?" she asked rather brusquely.

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

She sighed again. "Grandma kept this journal. I read it once, secretly. I used to sneak into her room to play in her jewelry box and while I was poking around in her dresser drawers, I found a little journal. In it she talked about an Edward and how he was the freaking love of her life but he left her right after her 18th birthday, breaking her heart and she never got over it. YOU cheated my grandpa out of her full love."

She practically threw the words at me.

"That would be me," I answered, softly. "I was doing it for her own good. It can be dangerous to mix with my kind."

"So it would seem," she acidly said.

"I realized soon after just how much of a mistake I had made. But I was too much of a coward to go back to her. For some reason, I just couldn't..."the words trailed off. I had no excuse for what I had done to Bella. "My biggest regret will always be not telling your grandmother that I lied to her that day. That she died believing I didn't really love her."

"It took you, what, sixty years to realize this?"

"Fifty-seven," I muttered. "No, I realized it as soon as I had left."

We were getting closer to Forks now. We passed the cemetery. I couldn't find it in myself to look in that direction. Bella was buried next to her husband and her dad, Charlie. Her mom, Renee was also buried close by, next to her husband, a major league baseball player in the hall of fame. It had shocked the town when he was buried here and now Forks claimed him as their own hometown hero, even though he wasn't from here.

"I had resigned myself to be naturally lonely while she lived and actually, I was planning on joining Bella after she..." I cut myself off from saying anything further about that. "And then you walked in her room. You literally took my breath away." I smiled at her. A rosy glow slowly crept over her cheeks.

"Do you think this whole thing is weird? I mean, about me and your grandmother?" I asked looking into her eyes.

She threw her head back and laughed. "Weird? _Weird_? I'm sitting next to a vampire who can live forever, hunts wild animals, can read some peoples minds, but not mine for some reason. And he wants to know if the fact that he dated my grandma is weird? No, this isn't weird at all." She gave me a small grin.

I drove through Forks, driving slow. I didn't want to get back to her apartment to soon. This might be the last time I see her. I thought about driving past her apartment and just keep on driving. It was tempting. I didn't want to let her go. I'd already lost one love. I don't think I could handle losing another.

I pulled in the parking lot. I put the car in park and placed my hands on the steering wheel. I was bracing myself for it. Rejection.

"Aren't you going to stay?" she asked, looking at me.

My mouth hung open, staring at her. Once again, I was rendered totally speechless in front of her.


	6. Swimming

"Aren't you going to stay?" I asked, looking at him. He just stared at me, his exquisite mouth hanging wide open. I fought off an urge to lean over and kiss that exquisite mouth.

I sat in the car waiting for a reaction from him. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly I could hear the material breaking under the pressure. I reached over and took his hand.

"Don't tear your steering wheel up on my account," I teased him. "I'm not fine. I need some time to process this. It's a lot to take in for a day that was just supposed to be one of hiking." I smiled at him."Come on in."

He continued to look surprised as he got out of his car and followed me to my door. I unlocked the door, and pushed it open. A meek meow met us and I looked at Shadow lounging on the couch, swishing her tail at us. I bit my bottom lip nervously. After what I had just witnessed in the forest, I wasn't sure if Edward seeing my black cat on my couch was such a good idea. I shooed her off the couch and she darted back to my bedroom. She would probably pee on something now since I had chased her off her favorite spot in the place.

"You're worried I am going to kill your cat aren't you?" Edward said meekly. I whipped my head around because the way he said that was something I had never heard from him before. He sounded so sad and dejected.

"Of course not, you've gone this far..." I shut myself up before I stuck my foot in my mouth further. He'd spent most of the last six weeks at my house without once trying to pounce on her. I'd just chalked up his apparent dislike of her to him not liking cats. I figured she was pretty safe at any rate.

He just shrugged. "It's a pet. Its scent doesn't appeal to me. And she belongs to you. I couldn't hurt anything that was yours." He plopped down on the couch and threw his face in his hands.

A weird silence settled between us. Both of us acutely aware things had changed and neither sure how to proceed. I dropped my backpack on a chair and pulled off my hoodie. I sank on the opposite end of the couch and threw my feet up on the cast off coffee table I had liberated from my parents house. I thought about the quiet person sitting down from me on the couch. He wasn't really twenty-six. He was seventeen. _Was this even legal?_ Not that we had done anything, but still? I shook my head slightly. But he wasn't just seventeen. He was much older than that. Both physically and mentally. And plus, he wasn't human, so I was sure something like mere mortal laws had anything to do with this situation at hand.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered. "I was going to tell you everything. Eventually."

I took and deep breath and released it loudly. Not a sigh, but a sign.

"Actually, killing that thing was a pretty awesome way to do it. Thanks for not letting it eat me." I grinned at him.

He raised his mouth up at the corner and looked at me. "Don't. It's OK, I know this whole thing is...bizarre," he said, seeming to struggle to find the right words. "Bell...your grandmother acted like she was OK with the whole thing too. I tried to make her see how dangerous it was to be around my kind. Something happened that I thought proved this and I lied to her and left her."

"So your saying your just going to do the same thing to me now?" I asked curtly, not taking my eyes off him although his beauty made me so self conscious I wanted to lower my head out of reverence for it. "What's the point of telling me all this then?"

"I'm not going to leave this time. I _don't_ want to leave this time. I hadn't wanted to leave that time, I made a mistake. I'm not going to make it again. Unless you want me to leave?" He scooted closer to me, just inches away from me. His sweet breath washed over me, leaving me speechless. "I'd understand if you did."

I wanted to tell him just how addicted I was to him. It was an addiction really. I couldn't give him up. Like a druggie searching out for her high, every time he was near me, I was soothed and felt complete. I trembled at the very thought of him just sitting so close to me. If he reached out to touch me right now, I thought I could melt.

"Tell me about my grandma. Please? I would love to hear all about her as a teen." I pleaded with him, hoping he would acquiesce my request.

"You have a deal if you tell me all about the grandmother you knew. That way, we are both even." He flashed me a crooked half grin and he knew I was putty in his hands.

We spent all afternoon on my couch, trading stories about grandma. It was the most surreal thing and yet, it seemed so normal. Here was this man, this gorgeous immortal man, who had known every part of my grandma's soul. All her secrets, all her thoughts from a time in her life that I could only imagine. I had learned that my grandma was not always the self-assured woman I had known. She was a clumsy, unsure of herself teen. Edward told me how she always put others first and that was a trait she had to her dying day. I was in awe of just how lucky I was to get this chance at a closer look into what made my grandma who she was. And Edward seemed pleased to finally learn at last that grandma was indeed happy and content in her life. We only stopped talking only when my stomach began to growl. I went to my kitchen and pulled out from the fridge all the things I would need to make a sandwich. He leaned across the bar and watched me work on my sandwich. I lifted it to my mouth when I saw him staring at me.

"I'm sorry, did you want me to make you a sandwich?" I asked out of rushed niceness. I could've swore he had told me he didn't eat human food.

He laughed at me and shook his head. I was too starving to feel embarrassed that he was laughing at me.

I slowly chewed my food. I thought back to our conversation we just had. And I dropped my sandwich as a thought flashed through my mind. Edward's hand flew out so fast it was nothing but a blur as he caught my sandwich.

"What's the matter?" he asked, looking at me with concern.

I stared back at him. "Did you and my grandma...you know. Did you..." I couldn't even get it out. I wanted to claw the thought out of my head.

Edward handed me back my sandwich.

"You can completely ease your mind. I was the perfect gentleman with Bell...your grandmother." he leaned across the counter till he was right in my face. "I promise you that." And he flashed me another wicked little smile. "I'm the type that waits for marriage. You know, I'm a bit old fashioned like that." He winked at me and my knees turned to jelly.

We spent the rest of the night curled up on my couch, watching old re-runs of 'I Love Lucy'. Over a hundred years old and it still made us laugh at Lucy's bumbling and Rickie's firm but gentle ways of catching on to whatever Lucy was plotting. I was wrapped up in his arms, his cold body felt good against my warm skin. He would lean down occasionally to place light kisses on top of my head. I yawned, it must be getting late. Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant I could sleep in, but I was so tired.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked softly, whispering in my ear.

I turned and gave him a feigned expression of shock. "I thought you were saving yourself for marriage and all that?"

He laughed as he picked me up off the couch and darted to my bedroom. "Oh, Emilia. I didn't mean like _that_."

He stopped suddenly in my bedroom doorway. I turned my head to look up at him. "Edward? What's wrong?"

"Where did you get that bed?" His eyes were looking straight at my hand me down bed from my grandma. I followed his eyes to look at my old bed. I had repainted it, a bright, cheery yellow.

"Oh? That old thing? It was my grandmas. She gave it to me when I moved here." I looked from my bed back to him. "Why?"

"It's nothing. Really." He said as he placed me down in the doorway and I watched as he walked to the bed to lay down on his back, arms under his head. I bit my lips. Talk about sending out crossed messages. Shadow flew off from where she had been sleeping on my pillow. She weaved her way between my legs before she left, probably to take up her throne on the couch.

"I figure you need a human moment to change and what have you. I'll be right here when you get back." He had his eyes closed as he said this.

I scrounged up some tattered boxer shorts and an old faded tank top. I felt incredibly embarrassed about my bedtime attire. I made my way to the bathroom and quickly shrugged out of my jeans and tee shirt and pulled on my boxers and tank top. I tried to run a brush through my hair but it was useless, the brown waves met the brush with too much resistance. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I swished some mouthwash for good measure.

I walked quietly back to my bedroom. He hadn't moved at all. He was lying on top of the covers, so I pulled them back, expecting him to get under them with me, but he didn't move. I scooted down under them and moved over closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me and tucked my head on his hard shoulder. The hardness didn't bother me, it instead made me feel secure and warm inside.

He placed a chilly kiss on my forehead. "Sweet dreams." He started to hum a tune I recognized as Debussy. I yawned and tried to fight off the waves of sleep I felt coming on. I didn't want to go to sleep. I was in bed with the man that I realized I loved. I wanted to stay awake for it all. But he kept humming in such a melodic way that it carried me off to sleep. And when I woke up in the morning, his amazing face was the first thing that met my eyes as I woke up. He flashed me his killer grin and I turned to jelly.

Edward was now a constant presence in my apartment. When we weren't there or I wasn't at college or work, we were over at his families house. They welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like one of them. There had been some discussion between his family and Edward about our future. A few dark looks had passed over Edward's face when Carlisle had pulled him aside to talk about something. But Edward would catch me glancing at him with a troubled look on my face and he would smile and soothe my anxiety over whatever it was that made their conversations more animated then usual. We were so far uncommitted to anything, just enjoying each other in the moment. It was absolutely perfect.

We were at a hidden lake, swimming in the rare warm sunshine on a brilliant Saturday afternoon. Edward was showing off by jumping into the water and splashing up such huge wave that it shot up so far in the air and rained down on me as I sat on the grass. I watched as the sun cast vivid rainbows that bounced glorious sparkles before my eyes, enticing me as if he was one large diamond. The water ran down over every inch of his perfect body, streaming down over the well defined planes and angles of his muscles. He jumped back into the water and stayed under for at least ten minutes. This didn't worry me after he had assured me he only really used his lungs to work with his nose as he sought out scents.

He shot up out of the water and executed a perfect landing, falling on the ground next to me.

"Show off." I teased him.

"I'd forgotten how fun it is just to swim," he said as he rolled over on his stomach. He tucked his arms under his head for a pillow and closed his eyes. I knew he was just taking in the moment more then he was trying to rest. He didn't have to rest. He never got tired. "It was nice."

I smiled at myself. It was nice. Being here all alone with him. He had brought me here on another hike. We called it our lake. Surrounded by the trees, it opened to a field of lush green grass with all manners of wildflowers. Birds and bees fluttered among the waving grass. If I could, I would hold on to this moment forever.

I scrunched my face when I remembered we were having dinner with my parents tonight. Well, I was. Since Edward didn't eat, we were going to pretend he had been called to an emergency at the hospital and then when dinner was over, he would conveniently show up. We had kept up the ruse of Edward being a doctor. I couldn't exactly tell my parents I was dating a vampire who had also happened to have dated my dead grandmother.

My parents loved Edward. Edward got along very well with my dad and they talked about all manners of current events and he wowed my history buff dad with his extensive knowledge of history. I smiled to myself as I realized that Edward had lived through some of the very events they talked about. He smoothly nudged mom and myself away from the dishes and washed them himself, earning a big smile from my mom. Like I had been,in no time, he had won them completely over.

I had to drag Edward away from dad, they were having a very animated conversation about President Clinton. Edward had said she had been the perfect first woman president. My dad didn't quite agree and said he thought President Zahara Jolie-Pitt had done an upstanding job and he was going to miss her when she left office this year.

I yawned all the way home. I was exhausted. Edward raised my hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it.

"Sleepy?" he asked as he sped through the darkness toward the apartment. I had gotten sort of used to his driving. Every once in awhile, I would get a small tug in the pit of my stomach when he would fly around a corner.

I simply yawned back to him in response. I heard his soft chuckle as it filtered through the car toward me. Swimming had worn me out and staying so late at my parents had only added to my exhaustion. I couldn't wait to crawl into bed, curled up in Edwards arms. I leaned my head back on the head rest and closed my eyes. I let the movement of the car sway me to sleep.

I woke up when I felt his arms around me as he picked me up from the seat. I didn't argue and let him carry me to bed. I yanked off my shorts and shirt and threw on one of his tee shirts I picked up off a chair. I got into bed and rolled over into his arms. He had taken his shirt and jeans off as well and was wearing his usual boxers to bed. I snuggled close to him, letting his arms cocoon around me. I deeply inhaled his scent. It filled my nostrils and lured me closer. I nudged my head up and placed a kiss on his neck.

He rolled me over on my back and traced a finger across my cheek and over my jaw, teasing me. He tugged down the neckline of the tee shirt just a bit so he could kiss the hollow at my throat and moved his lips across my collarbone. His cool breath tickled me and my heart began to thump wildly. He laughed lightly as he heard this, and moved back up my neck towards my ear. His tongue made quick little swirls as he traced over from under my ear and landed back on my mouth. His mouth sweetly held mine before I felt his tongue lightly trace along the edge of my lips. I sighed softly.

His hand reached up and stroked my hair. I closed my eyes as he gently played with my hair. I knew not to prod him any further. He had always met my advances with a gentle but firm no. I tried to see his point, but if I was on this much fire from a single touch from him, did he not feel the same?

"I love you," I sleepily murmured. He placed a light kiss on my forehead and then one on my cheek and finally, a light kiss fell upon my lips.

"And I love you. Go to sleep now and dream wicked thoughts of me," he said laughingly.

He didn't have to ask me twice. He pulled me closer to him and I drifted off to sleep, another perfect night in Edward's arms.


	7. The Library Can Send Me The Bill

I was visiting with Carlisle while Emilia was at work. She put in long hours at the local library after getting out of class only to be paid next to nothing for her work. I had tried to beg her to quit, but she mumbled something about being independent. I was with him in his office. I could hear Esme floating through the house, dusting and singing to herself. Alice and Jasper were having a heated discussion about cheating while playing chess and Emmett was painting Rosalie's toenails. She kept telling him he was doing it wrong and that she had wanted the other shade of red, the one he was using was too orange. I smiled to myself at my family and the happy atmosphere._ I_ was happy again.

"I'm glad you came over Edward. I'd been wanting to talk to you. I don't mean to worry you, but I think we might have had some spies in our midst." His voice was heavy with concern and I looked up from the book I had been reading.

"Spies? What do you mean?" I asked, eying him more closely.

"You know the Volturi already watches us rather closely, due to our _situation_ as a rather large family. I had been foolish to think they wouldn't notice your involvement with Emilia sooner or later."

I immediately thought of Emilia, working at the library, alone. My nostrils flared and I couldn't contain the small, but rumbling growl that escaped out of my mouth. My hands clutched the book so tightly it popped and then burst under my grip.

_They have a whole army of humans working for them Edward. These humans go out and spy on our kind. The Volturi have promised these humans with the gift of beingone of us when their time is up. But the Volturi has no desire to add to their ranks. They are killed as soon as their job is done. Think of it Edward, their human scent wouldn't be that much more noticeable then any other human we encounter. _ Carlisle's mental voice reached me.

"I can handle a few humans." I sneered.

_You don't understand Edward. These are not just any mere humans. They've been trained by the Volturi themselves. They have weapons..._Carlisle's train of thought ran off at this.

"What? What about their weapons Carlisle?" I was getting impatient.

"I'm not sure Edward. I don't know what they are made of, but it's been said to be a material that could penetrate our skin and our bones."

I sighed in relief. They may have weapons like that, but there was no way a mere human could get close to a vampire. Our speed and agility assured us of that. We would be nothing more then a blur to them.

"That's nothing Carlisle. I'm surprised you are so worried about this. Of course, I will be watching Emilia a bit closer, but they won't get close enough to harm her. You aren't worried about my capabilities to protect her are you?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Of course not, it's just that Edward, these humans have been raised by the Volturi. Trained to go up against our own kind. And they _are_ able too, if the need arises. This human army kept the masses of a newborn revolt in Romania at bay without the help of our kind, the Volturi was able to keep their hands clean. We don't know how humans can accomplish this. We don't know what or even how the Volturi is doing this training. We don't know what it consists of."

This whole thing sounded so far fetched, so impossible. The only thing that can harm another vampire is our teeth and their sheer power to rip our kind apart and set us ablaze, the only real way to kill us. Besides, we had Alice.

"What does Alice see?"

"Alice can't see anything, Edward. It is as if your future no longer exists."

I was up out of my chair and flying down the stairs before his last words had time to get out.

I fumed all the way to the library. I had tried to call Emilia's cell phone, but it kept going to her voicemail which meant she had it off. I beat on the steering wheel for her disregard to my frequent reminders to keep it on.

I passed cars on the road and was the receiver of many honks and middle fingers waved at me. I barreled as fast as I could to the library and slammed on my brakes, skating across the pavement of the driveway in circles. I threw my car into park even before it had stopped and it groaned at this final mistreatment. I ripped the door off the hinges and swung it wildly to the side as I climbed through the now open space where my car door had been. It landed hundreds of feet away, toppling a few trees before it finally skidded away from me down the road, its metal grating and sparking on the pavement. I tore up the steps and the doors to the library gave way under my hands as I pushed them aside. They shattered and I raced through flying wooden debris and up the stairs. I saw Emilia paused at the top of the steps, her eyes met mine with sheer horror.

"What in the hell is going on Edward?" She said angrily as she threw the books she was holding down on the floor. She paced angrily up to me and looked straight into my eyes, not turning down her green eyes when I met her stare back. I probably looked like a crazy man storming in here, but she didn't seem scared, only mad.

"We've got to go Emilia. I don't know where, but we have to leave. NOW." My voice boomed loudly throughout the whole library and Emilia reached up to cover her ears with her hands.

She pressed her lips together and her eyes bored into me. I could see her body tense up and she straightened up to her full height. I could hear her heart rate pick up.

"Once again I ask you Edward, what the hell is going on? You tear in here like a madman, and demand I leave with you? Are you crazy? I'm not going anywhere with you like this." Her eyes flashed at me and behind the anger I could also see that she was wanting to know everything was OK.

She stared at me so long, I was the one who had to break our gazes apart. I cast my eyes downward quickly and then back up at her.

"It has become very dangerous for us here. There isn't time to debate this Emilia." I tried to keep my voice level and calm, but I couldn't help to have a sense of urgency to my voice.

"There is always time Edward." She looked at me, pleading silently.

I grabbed her hand. "I swear, I will tell you everything as soon as we get into the car and can get away from here." I rubbed my cold hand across her cheek and gently squeezed her hand as a reassurance. I led her down the stairs and toward where the doors had been. She gasped as I lead her past what remained of the library doors, gingerly stepping over slivers and pieces of wood.

Um, Edward?" she whispered so softly to me.

"Yes?" I wasn't stopping, I would pick her up and carry her if I had to.

"You know the library has a surveillance camera aimed right at that door. Don't you?" She nodded up to a camera that I assumed was recording everything.

"Hmm. I'll get Emmett over her. He'll take care of the video." My impatience got the best of me and I picked her up and ran to my car.

I heard another very loud gasp and Emilia's eyes grew large as she eyed my door-less car.

"Well, that's not going to attract any attention now is it?"

"I was in a hurry." I shrugged.

"Do you always leave such a wake of disaster after you when you are in a hurry?" She said as I deposited her in the passenger seat and ran around and got in my car.

"Buckle up." I told her as I turned my car over. It protested loudly and shuddered and jerked us forward harshly before it finally died.

Emilia started to laugh. Its contagious nature reached me and I joined her.

"Right. I guess it's vampire power from here on out. Do you think, instead of me carrying you in my arms, you could hold on to my back? I go a bit faster that way."

She cast a devilish grin at me and I helped her on my back.

"Hold on tightly. Let me know if you feel yourself starting to slip. And Emilia?" I asked casually.

Yes, Edward?" She replied back, her mouth so close to my ear she made me tremble.

"Don't forget to close your eyes." And I took off, I was nothing but a blur, stirring up a slight breeze behind me.


	8. Come Away With Me

The door to the house swung open as soon as Edward put me down on the porch and we were greeted by Esme and Carlisle. Esme approached me and put her arm around my shoulder and guided me back into the house.

"Where's your car at Edward?" Carlisle said as he closed the door behind us.

I burst into a loud round of laughter and they all looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head. I calmed myself down upon seeing their serious stares.

"That's not important right now," Edward said turning his head away from me to face Carlisle. "Alice still hasn't seen anything?"

"Nope, Alice hasn't seen a thing. Well, at least not anything that concerns you two." Alice's voice came floating down the stairs "I'm sorry, I don't know why that is." She paused at the bottom of the steps and smiled at me.

"It's OK Alice, we can't expect you to see everything." Esme said, obviously trying to lift her spirits.

"_Why_ can't Alice see anything? This is so dangerous Carlisle. We are all sitting ducks." Edward reached over and wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me closer. I twisted a bit to get away from him. I needed a moment to myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked me, concern oozing out of every syllable.

I threw my hands up in the air, waving them. "Stop. Everyone stop. Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" My eyes darted from the various vampires standing in the room. No one was willing to make eye contact. I groaned and stomped off towards the door. Edward flew in front of it, blocking my way out.

"Let me by Edward, I just want to step outside and get some air," I tried to pass around him, but he was much too fast and had the mass of a huge granite boulder. "Oh come on! This is ridiculous."

"Edward, you didn't tell her?" Esme's voice grew sharp as she directed it at Edward. "She has a right to know."

I looked into Edwards face and he closed his eyes for just the briefest of moments.

"We may have people...dangerous people watching us." he said at last.

"So?" That was it? That was what he was worried about? "I thought you said nothing could kill you? And what was all that talk about the world's most lethal predator?" I didn't understand why on earth everyone was so bent out of shape about some people watching us.

"You don't understand, Emilia. These are not ordinary people we may be up against. They have been trained by the Volturi to be lethal somehow to our kind." Carlisle's voice answered and picked up the slack for Edward.

"The who?" I asked, trying to mentally place that name.

"The Volturi. A very old ruling vampire coven. They make sure our only real rule, that our secret is never known amongst humankind is kept. You being with Edward breaks that rule. You know all about us." Carlisle's voice was now serious as he spoke to me, his face more animated.

"So I put you all in danger because I'm a human and I know too much? That's pretty much it?" I asked, still not seeing the severity of this problem.

"I'm worried that you aren't taking this threat seriously enough. You can not comprehend what they are capable of." Finally, Edward's voice returned to him.

"What would it take to get them off our backs?" I asked, genuinely curious. A wave of nausea swept over me as a dark threat came over me. "Are you going to leave me?" I meekly asked Edward.

He shook his head furiously. "That's the last thing I am going to do." He reached out to pull me closer and this time I didn't fight him.

"I think the best thing for both of you, is to leave. Emilia, Edward has told us he can't see your thoughts, just as he couldn't see your grandmothers. This may work to our advantage. I am counting on your ability to block your mind from being read by others as well. I think Edward is right in wanting to leave. If just for a little bit. I have some ties with the Volturi. Let me try to sort this out with them first." I watched as Carlisle spoke, going back and forth between the assembled faces.

"Come away with me Emilia. Let Carlisle see what he can find out. It's our only option right now." Edward tightened his grip on my waist to give me a gentle squeeze.

"There's other another option," Alice said, moving to sit on the couch.

Edward growled and I looked at him. "What? What option?" I asked.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. He did that when he was either upset with something or very angry. "Damn it, Alice. You and your sick desire to have a best friend at any cost." he cursed at Alice, throwing the words her way hotly.

I couldn't believe he was talking to Alice like that. "Edward!"I gasped. "What option?" If there was another option other then running, I was game for it.

"What Alice is not so subtly referring to is changing you to one of us." Edward said plainly, with no expression on his face.

"Oh, I see." I walked slowly over to the couch and sat next to Alice. She beamed at me, but I couldn't smile back.

The whole time I had been seeing Edward, I had kept a part of myself separate from him. And even more now, after finding out his secret. I hadn't allowed myself to think that far into our future and what it held for us. I had just enjoyed the everyday with him and figured whatever tomorrow brought, I would deal with it then. It seems tomorrow is here. I loved him, of that I was sure. But could I commit to this, an eternity of being a vampire?

I raised my head and looked at Edward. He looked back at me and gave me a faint smile.

"Edward, can you take me home. I would like to talk to you alone." I rose off the couch and walked toward him.

"Of course Emilia, darling." He guided me to the door and as soon as we were outside he picked me up and off we went, running through the forest, headed in a direction I wasn't sure I could take..


	9. Consequences

I sat facing her, utterly shocked. Did she know what she was asking of me? Could she really want this? I shook my head. It was absolutely crazy. It would never work. Not in a million years. I wouldn't allow it.

"You don't know what you are asking of me." I said, pleading with her. "You cannot even begin to fathom the consequences of this action."

She held herself against the wall. No emotion on her face except her eyes were sharp now, staring down at me.

"You mean _you_ can't fathom the consequence of this action Edward. This just isn't about you, is it? You drug me into this the day you stepped into my dying grandma's hospital room. Why couldn't you just have stayed away? You weren't happy to just break her heart? Why not break her granddaughters heart as well? Make it a family event. Make me fall in love with you, knowing this sort of thing was possible. You gave me no warning! You gave me no choice _but_ to fall in love with you, you bastard." Her words cut through me like acid. Her voice was loud now, I was scared her neighbors would hear.

"Emilia, please. It doesn't have to be like this." I started to get up and she held up her hand to stop me.

"Yes, Edward, it does have to be like this." She was fuming. Her face was red, and her heart was jumping in her chest. "Why the fuck don't you just leave NOW. Maybe you can come back in fifty-seven years and try to seduce my granddaughter?" She spat the words at me fiercely, I could see the hate in her eyes.

"I'm not running off with you to hide away from a bunch of crazy vampire killers and I'm sure as hell not letting you turn me into some monster that has to hide from the sun and drinks blood. I'm using my third option. I'm throwing your ass to the curb." She inhaled sharply and threw back her shoulders, getting carried away with herself.

"You can throw me out, but that won't keep them away. They won't care that you've broken up with me. And I will not leave you alone, a target for them." I rose off the couch now and walked to her.

"You can't just wish me away Emilia. I won't go away quite so easily." I softly murmured to her.

"I _can_ wish you away and you _will_ leave me alone Edward. I don't want to see you ever again. Do you understand me? If I catch even one glimpse of you out of the corner of my eyes I will..." her voice trailed off as she searched for the right threat to backup her claim.

I walked closer now, calling in her bluff. "What would you do Emilia? How could you possibly hurt me anymore then you're doing right now?" I leaned down so my face was right in front of hers. I let my cool breath sweep over her.

"Don't try to seduce me with your scent. I'm over it. I'm over you. Get out. If you don't get out, I will leave." She stared back at me, defiantly, not backing down.

"I would just follow you." I said softly, placing one hand on the wall and leaned in closer.

She flashed me a look so full of hate, it threatened to knock me backwards. How could she stare at me with such hate? When I knew the love she felt for me was there?

She screamed and started to pummel my chest with blows that I barely felt even though I was sure she was hitting me as hard as she could.

"Get out! I don't want you anymore! What fucking part of don't want you anymore do you not get?"She began yelling in a fevered pitch now, her hands hitting my chest and my face, I felt nothing. I grabbed her hands, I didn't want her to hurt herself.

That only further enraged her and she threw everything she had at me. "GET OUT! Damn it! Why won't you fucking listen to me? GET OUT."

I let go of her hand and backed away from her. I threw up my hands in surrender.

"Fine. OK. I'm leaving. But I'm only leaving your apartment. I will be right outside, watching your apartment." I said.

She screamed again and rushed toward me, trying to push me out the door.

"I don't want you outside my apartment watching me like some sick psycho monster. GO!"

I watched her unleash herself upon me like a wild animal. Her cruel words lashing out like a whip. I felt each lash as she yelled at me, driving me further back towards the door.

Someone was knocking on the door and I looked at Emilia with a final pleading look. Her face held so much hate for me. I opened the door to a short older man. He peered past me, seeing Emilia. He looked up at me.

"Is everything alright here?" he asked briskly, sharply. "Ms. Steele, do you need me to call someone?"

"No, that's OK, Jim. My friend was just leaving."

I looked down at the puny man. I could crush him so easily in my hands...

"Is that true sir? Are you leaving like Ms. Steele says?" He was looking at me now, trying to look menacing.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I turned around to Emilia. "We can talk more about this when you have calmed down and thought things over. Don't be so rash in your judgment to let me go. I love you."

I cleared my throat at the little man blocking the door.

He stepped aside and I pushed past him. Not looking back.


	10. And That's How This Story Broke My Heart

I watched as he stepped out the door, not looking back. I was about to lose it. I walked quickly to the door to lock it. Like that would keep Edward or these vampire killers out. Jim was still standing in the door, watching to make sure Edward left. I knew he wasn't going to leave, he would be watching over my apartment.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call anyone?" He asked with sincere concern,

"I'm fine Jim, thanks. Just a bad lovers spat." I tried to smile.

"Alright then, if you need anything, we are right next door."

Sure Jim, like you and your wife could protect me from a vampire and the killers who may be out there too. I just nodded my head and he stepped back out and I closed the door behind me. I'd no sooner got the lock latched then the tears started. I couldn't believe he had believed me. I couldn't believe I had stood there and lied to him like that. I couldn't believe he didn't see I was using his own trick on him. The very same thing he had done to my grandma.

The tears came spilling out now, pouring out of my eyes like a broken river dam. I walked back to my bedroom and flipped on my light. Shadow was lying on my pillow, purring at me. I plopped down on my bed and just let it all out. The bed shook underneath me as the violent sobs left my body.

Shadow jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. I rolled over on the bed and inhaled deeply. His scent still lingered on the sheets and I buried my nose in them, inhaling him, trying to draw his very essence into my soul. Had this been what my grandma had felt? I instantly sympathized with her, felt a renewed kinship to her. I rolled over on my back and threw an arm over my aching eyes. What had I done?

I lay there, sniffling when I felt Shadow rub up against my foot. Empty sobs came now, they hurt my chest and I gulped to try to catch my breath. I removed my arm from across my eyes and sat up on my bed. I rubbed my eyes, and I could've swore I saw a shadow being cast from the hallway. Edward? Had he snuck back in after I had told him to leave?

I got up and walked to the bedroom door, I looked down the hallway to the bathroom and the spare bedroom. I didn't see anything so I walked to the bathroom. I turned on the water and leaned down to splash cold water on my face. It stung at first, when it met my hot, inflamed face. I grabbed a towel and patted off my face. I lowered the towel to look at my reflection in the mirror. No doubt I was a red mess. A tiny gasp was all I could manage when I saw my reflection was not the only one in the mirror.

"I wouldn't try to scream if I were you, I would hate to have to kill you."


	11. The Knights of Malta

I ran around the block a few times to clear my head. I was now standing directly across from her apartment. I was reading the thoughts of everyone within a close vicinity. Most of it was mindless boring drivel. I couldn't read Emilia''s thoughts, so her apartment was quiet. I bunkered in, readying myself for a long evening and night watching over her. I shivered as I realized this was how I had watched Bella all those years. I hoped I wouldn't have to resort to that again. I'd made that mistake once. I wasn't about to make it again.

As my mental thoughts cleared, I began to look at things a bit more rationally. I could clearly recall every single hurtful word she said to me, the way she looked while she was hurtling hateful words at me. And in my renewed mental clarity away from the situation, I recalled a new scent I had never noticed before. I remembered I had noticed it before Jim even knocked on the door. But I had been so busy trying to focus on Emilia and steer her away from her hateful words back to me.

_Alice can't see your future, it's as if something is blocking her visions. _Carlisle's voice came back to me now in this odd moment of clarity. I wondered what that meant. I remembered that Carlisle had once mused only two things could cloud Alice's visions, werewolves and hybrid vampires. Carlisle thought it was because Alice had never been a werewolf and she couldn't recall her human existence enough to see the half human side of a vampire hybrid. Vampire hybrids were mostly stuff of legends, even amongst us vampires. The gentle irony that we too were supposed to be nothing more then a legend or myth was not lost on me now.

My mind was rapidly working now, thinking a million thoughts at once, trying to place all the pieces together. The new scent, Alice's visions blocked, my sudden recall of a discussion with Carlisle about hybrid vampires and of course, this new threat of the Volturi and their human army trained somehow to kill vampires. But the only thing that can kill a vampire is another vampire. Which a mere human couldn't possibly do, but perhaps a hybrid vampire could...

I flew to Emilia's door and with one quick tap, I knocked the door off its hinges. I caught it before it could fall and make a noise. I propped it back up against the door frame and I entered Emilia's apartment and the new scent assaulted my nose. I let loose a deep, rumbling growl. I had been so stupidly careless. I ran through the apartment. Shadow was lying on Emilia's pillow, she didn't raise her head to acknowledge me. I searched every room in her tiny apartment. No sign of Emilia. I followed the scent towards her back door and out through the yard. It stopped at a road behind her apartment. I closed my eyes and brought up the car I had noticed sitting there as I was making my run around the block. It had been a black Jaguar. If I had been thinking straight, I would have realized that type of car was out of its league in this strictly working class neighborhood.

I' d been so stupid and careless, I'd allowed myself to get so caught up in Emilia's hateful words, I had left her in a weak position while I felt sorry for myself. I recalled the license plate number as I took off running for the house. I had no time, Emilia's life was my responsibility now.

My crazed presence at the house stunned everyone. I grabbed Emmett and dragged him downstairs, I needed him to hack the online files of the DMV and get a name and address on that Jaguar. I was back upstairs in a flash, peppering Alice with questions about her visions. Did she see anything regarding Emilia? She sadly shook her head at me.

_I'm so sorry Edward._

"It's not your fault. Don't worry, I will get her back. _I will_. If I have to search every last square inch of this Earth, I will find her." She smiled gently at me. I didn't have to tell Alice about the power of love. She had Jasper.

Emmett was back with a name and address but it just lead back to a fake company who had rented the car. Esme was fluttering about, nervously. Carlisle was deep in thought.

"Do you think this is the work of the Volturi?" I asked him.

He nodded his head. _Yes, I think Italy is where we should be looking at._

I looked at him, surprised. "We?"

_You don't think we are going to let you go up against this alone do you son? Of course we are going to help you get Emilia back. You love her, and because we love you, we are going to do everything in our power to help you get her back._

I didn't say anything. I just nodded my head at him. He nodded back. This was my family and we were stuck together like a real family in the truest sense. Through thick and thin, we were all each others greatest supporters. That they would put themselves directly in harms way like this for me, made me swell on the inside. When I got Emilia back I would make her a member of this family. One way or another. I would make her see reason. I _would_ make her love me again. I _could_ make her love me again. If it took me forever.

Rosalie came down the stairs hauling a couple overnight bags. "I've got our passports, credit cards and various other things we may need." She placed the bags on the floor and looked at us all standing around, staring at each other. "Why are you all standing around? Waiting for a group hug?"

Jasper followed her, clutching a small bag. I looked at him and the bag curiously.

"Some forged documents I made up for Emilia. I had short notice so they aren't perfect, but they will pass."

"Let's go kick some Italian ass." Emmett's voiced boomed through the room and we moved together as one unit, moving towards a goal.

Less then 14 hours later, we landed in Florence, Italy, thanks to a favor Carlisle called in to get the exclusive use of a jet.

"How on earth did you manage to get the Pope's private jet?" Esme asked Carlisle as we got off the plane.

"It's all about who you know." He answered cryptically. "Let's just say, he owed me a favor. And he's repaid it."

Alice drove me, Emmett and Jasper all the way from Florence to Volterra, the city of the Volturi. The countryside zoomed past so fast it was just a blur. No one was interested in the sights anyway. She kept the Mercedes going at its highest speed possible smoothly. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie followed right behind us in a matching Mercedes. We wound our way up the hill that leads to the ancient city. I could read everyone's growing thoughts. Emmett was working on his game plane. Jasper, true to his tactical nature was going about it in a bit more methodical way. Alice was just thinking of Emilia. As was I. I couldn't shake how stupid I had been. I grew angry at myself and Emilia.

Dusk was settling over the city, which was advantageous for us. This wasn't Forks. The sun was not covered by clouds here like it was back home. Home. Forks was home. And my home would be complete when I had Emilia back.

My phone was vibrating in my pocket and I knew it was Carlisle. I flipped it open and listened. It wasn't Carlisle on the other end. I listened as the voice told me exactly what to do. Suddenly, our plans had been changed it seemed. I flipped my phone closed and told Alice to pull over.

"I get out here. You all will stay here. Do not attempt to follow me, do you understand?" I barked at them as I got out of the car. Carlisle pulled up behind us and got out of his car.

_What are you doing?_ He asked me and I could mark the deep concern in his minds voice.

"I'm going after Emilia. I have to go alone."

Carlisle took a step towards me and I held up my hand to stop him.

_Are you sure?_

I simply nodded and turned to face my destiny. It was right in front of me.

I walked on. The voice on the phone had given me very specific directions. I knew behind me, my family was standing grouped around the cars, watching me walk away from them. But I had been told that only I was the only who was allowed. I had to do this on my own.

A seductive purr sounded from the shadows and Heidi fell out of the shadows to walk along side me.

"Sightseeing? Need a tour guide?" She trilled at me, a mocking tone on her voice.

I didn't say anything to her, keeping my face straight on the path ahead of us. Heidi was now skipping. It was bizarre, her youthful lean figure leaping high in the air and coming back down with a thunderous slam on the path. I could see how the mortal tourists would fall for her so easily and follow her to their deaths. All vampires were like that of course, it was part of our lure to attract our prey, but the way Heidi was moving her body was just another way to tantalize.

"Cat have your tongue?" She whispered in my ear, "Last time I saw you, you were quite eager to to talk."

My nostrils flared as I remembered the time she was talking about. It had been so long ago. Not very long after I had been turned. I was disgusted with myself. I had removed myself from Carlisle's guidance and left. I let myself turn into a monster. Even though I was hunting the worst of the worst of mankind, I had grown despondent over my diet of human blood. I was disgusted with myself. I had come to this very same place to have the Volturi kill me. They wouldn't of course. I had been rejected by them. I was lost, walking alone, until I found Carlisle again. Wise and understanding Carlisle, who had never once implied in any way that I was evil for the choices I had made in my short journey away from him.

I shuddered at the past and I was instantly furious at Heidi for bringing it up. Add that fury I was feeling now on top of what I was already feeling and I felt I could kill the whole city of Volturra and not feel anything afterwards. I _was_ that angry inside. I _could_ be that sort of monster again.

I had walked to my destination. A plain wooden door attached to a long, high stone wall was guarded by two human men. They grouped themselves around it casually, prattling on about some soccer game, smoking cigarettes. Heidi giggled as she bounded off into the dark, probably going to alert the Volturri my family was here. I stepped up to the door and the men, roused out of their soccer debate stood in front of me, blocking my way.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, I believe I'm expected?" I greeted them in perfect Italian.

They both shook their heads at me. "No one goes in this door." The man on the left was talking to me now and the man on the right had moved so subtly into a fighting stance that a human would not have noticed it, but I noticed the glint in his eyes, the hardening of his mouth and the way he balled his fists at his side. He leaned forward just ever so slightly towards me.

"There must be some mistake, I am expected and I will go through that door." I walked forward a step and the men met my step.

"I said, no one goes in." They both had pulled themselves into fighting stances. I grinned at both of them. If I had to go through them, it would be like cutting through butter.

"I suggest you both step aside and let me in." I warned them one last time. They didn't move.

I took another step and I barely felt their hands grab my arms. I shook their arms off and with a lightning force speed, I reached out to the one on my left and took his head between my hands and just barely exerting any pressure twisted his neck in my hands. A stomach churning creak accompanied the feeling of his neck giving way under my capable hands. I opened my hands and he fell limply to the path, his head bent at an unnatural angle. The other man had backed up against the door, gasping.

"I said, open that door and let me in. Please." I said to him as if nothing had just happened turning up the charm as I said please.

He stammered for a second and I stepped up close to him and he quickly saw the errors of his way and opened the door for me.

"See? Was that so hard? Thank you," I said as I stepped in. "By the way, you might want to drag your friend there inside as well, wouldn't want anyone to see that." If this was all the human army was capable of, the Volturi training had been very pitiful. They didn't even fight me. Not that they would've stood a chance of course.

Inside the wooden door was a small courtyard of sorts, paved with dark stones. It was an older castle, I could tell by the crumbling facade. I could see another door and dim light shining from windows in the old building. I flew to the door and opened it. Inside, the entire space was illuminated by hundreds of candles. The walls were draped with tapestries and there was small groupings of chairs and tables scattered around the room. A huge stone staircase swept down the center of the room and then split in to two curves that lead left and right. I listened to my surroundings, I didn't hear any thoughts. I turned around, looking at all the doors that surrounded just the first floor and then thought of the immense staircase that lead to more floors and more doors. Emilia could be behind any of them.

I was just going to have to search every room it seemed. I went to the nearest door first and my hand was on the handle before I heard another door open. I turned around and and a man stepped out, dressed very elegantly.

"Ah, you're here. Good. Good. Did my men give you any trouble getting in?" He asked me, his eyes twinkling. He spoke with an voice that had no traces of accent.

"Not a bit of trouble." I threw his way and he grinned.

"You're probably wondering what all this is about. I dare say, you must be confused."

"You are quite mistaken, I'm not the least bit confused. I'll just be getting Emilia now, of course." I glared down at the man.

"You didn't think it would be that easy did you, Mr. Cullen? Your Emilia is quite safe. For the moment that is. Of course, her being delivered safely and in one piece back to you depends entirely upon yourself. Behave yourself and in no time, your pretty little pet will be back by your side. But give me even just the smallest glimmer that you are going to be...disruptive and well, think of the many ways she could be killed. It's like playing multiple choice with these humans! So many ways to die."

I growled at him and instinctively crouched, readying myself to fight. It was an innate nature when vampires felt threatened or one of their own was threatened. I clenched my teeth together and I could feel that venom flowing.

"I wouldn't do that. Remember what I just said," he gestured grandly toward the open door. "Won't you follow me?" It was not a request, it was a command draped in the finery of a pleasant question.

We went into a large circular room. A massive desk sat in front a dormant fireplace. Big, overstuffed leather club chairs were scattered about the room and floor to ceiling bookcases crammed full of books lined every single wall. Nestled between the bookcases was another door. It was open and I could see that it led to some steps that went down before they ended in darkness that even my eyes could not see past.

"Tell me Mr. Cullen, do you mind if I call you Edward? Mr. Cullen is such a formal thing and I want us to be friends." he had moved to the desk to sit behind it and gestured for me to take on of the many chairs spread throughout the room. "My name is of no concern to you at this moment, but the very moment we are friends, I shall tell it to you."

I fell into a chair and looked at him. "You can call me whatever you want, I just want Emilia."

He bobbed his head up and down. "Emilia is quite...busy at the time. But we will get to her in due time. Don't worry Edward.'" He winked at me and that threw me over the edge. I flew out of the chair and landed, crouched on his desk. He pushed his chair back over the stone floor, the sharp grating ringing in my ears.

He tisked his tongue at me as if he was scolding a small child and wagged a finger. "You're temper is very unsettling Mr. Cullen," he said, reverting back to using my last name title. "I'm going to have to watch myself around you, you seem so quick to anger. Perhaps you should see someone for your anger issues, I know a great therapist..." I cut him off before his rambling made me kill him.

"I want absolute proof that Emilia is indeed fine, before I go on any further with you." I sneered down at him, still crouched on his desk.

"Of course, you do. Of course. If you would just give me a moment?' He pulled himself out of his chair. My eyes followed him as he walked to one of the bookcases and he pulled out a book and flipped it open to a random page.

"We are what you would call, independent contractors. You remember your history quite well I assume Mr. Cullen?" he asked looking at me for a response. I shook my head. I had millions of things memorized in my head, historical facts were among them. "Then you can probably recall the Knights of Malta I presume?"

My mind instantly sifted through all the knowledge in my head and brought up what I knew of them. They were trained assassins from the age of the Crusades, but sometime, around 1080 they all disappeared. No one knew what had happened to them. They were helping to excavate the ruins were King Solomon's temple had been. There had been a rumor they had found the fountain of youth at the base of these excavations that allowed them to retain their ages for as long as they drank from it and it made their bodies and minds at the top peak of perfect conditions. Not unlike what happens to a vampire when we are changed and the venom begins to work on us.

"I've heard that legend before." I answered.

"But you of all people should know that some legends are true." He smiled at me as he said this. He was speaking the truth. "And I wonder, Mr. Cullen, if I may entertain a few thoughts with you?"

I sighed. I just wanted to get Emilia. It was only my fear of something happening to her if I killed this man standing before me that kept me in my place from murdering him.

"And what would those thoughts be?' I said sourly to him.

"I was hoping we could persuade you to join us, Edward," he had gone back to using my first name, perhaps in an attempt to show he was being friendly now. "What do you say? How would you like to be a knight?"

"No, thanks. I'm just fine with my current situation." I sneered at him. I was getting impatient now. It was never a good idea to make a vampire impatient.

"Are you sure? It would be so nice to have one of your kind on our team, so to speak. At any rate, I would think it over. Emilia is perfectly safe where she is." He walked back over to his desk and sat down on it.

"Where is Emilia?" I snapped at him. My hands curled into fists at my sides, I was having to talk myself down from killing him.

"Oh. She's not here. You didn't think we would keep her here, this close to you, did you? Oh, no. She is somewhere...else."

Fury shook through every part of me. So they weren't hybrid vampires after all and it wasn't an army of humans the Volturi had trained either. We had been wrong about that. Of course, we never thought that something like this was a possibility. This came so far out of left field. It might also explain the holes in Alice's visions. These men, these Knights of Malta, weren't human exactly and they weren't like our kind either. But I had another unanswered thought. How had they known we would assume it was the Volturi and that we we would've come here? Why go through all this smoke and blowscreen, this big charade? Had seeing Heidi just been a coincidence then?

"Why did you take Emilia? Why not just come to me and ask me? Why go through all this?" I asked, eying the man carefully.

"My name is Simon," was all he said.

"Excuse me, but what?" I muttered. I was a bit taken aback.

"My name. It's Simon. We are friends now, I just agreed to it."

I was getting sorely tired of playing games. I wanted answers, not his name. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to push back the murderous thoughts I was having.

"I really don't care what your name is, I just want my questions answered." I glared at him and he shrank away from my stare. He knew I was meaning business now.

"It was all so simple, really. If you stop to think about it. We know all about your secret royal family and the one law they dictate. They have but one rule. And we used that rule to our advantage. When we began our quest to add a vampire, your family was quite interesting to us. Especially you, you were the only the one not attached to a mate. That your family had forgone a diet of human blood for animal blood was important to us. We didn't want to have to watch our backs around you."

"I'm afraid you were sorely mistaken. Even though we do consume animal blood, believe me, I would have no problem killing you right now." I stood over him now, glaring down at him, yet my words were dripping with amiableness as I smiled at him.

He cleared his throat nervously. "Right. Right. At any rate, we knew this ancient city, with your ruling kind would be the first place you looked at when you discovered your little pet was gone. We needed an incentive, if you will, for you to see things our way."

I lunged at him. Calling Emilia an incentive had put me over the edge. I could see the fright in his eyes as I jumped on top of him, knocking him over his desk and onto the floor. A small garbled scream tried to escape his throat as I picked him up around the neck by one hand and pushed him up against a bookcase.

"Emilia is not your incentive to try to bargain with me over. You will tell me where she is at. NOW!" I shook him fiercely one more time, his head hit the back of the bookcase so hard it shook the heavy shelves full of books, as my loud,shrill voice echoed through the room. I heard glass break and crack under the assault of my voice and I heard the shatters as they rained to the floor He screamed in pain as my voice went through his ears. I smelled his blood even before I saw it begin to drip from his ears. His eyes rolled back in his head and his tongued lolled over his lips. I dropped his limp body and it hit the floor with a sickening thud.

I raced through the open door I had noticed earlier and made my way down the damp, dark stone steps. It led to a small room that resembled some sort of war room for generals and other powers that be to direct important battle scenes. Maps filled every surface of the wall, and dim lights cast spots of illumination over paperwork scattered over a few desks. _She's not here. _The dead man's voice came back to me.

I looked at a map of Malta hanging on the wall. Malta wasn't that big, every square inch of the island had been detailed perfectly on the map. As my eyes swept over the map, I landed on a tiny cross that marked a co-ordinate on the map. I knew where Emilia was at.

I flew up the stairs and I was out of the courtyard and onto the streets of Volterra in a brilliant blur. I raced back to where I had left my family. They were still grouped around the car, quietly muttering to themselves in voices no human could have picked up. I flew up on them in such a hurry, they were taken aback by my sudden appearance and immediately crouched down into a defensive stance.

"I know where she is," I said as I breezed past them and got into the car. They stared at me startled. I had no time to explain. "She isn't here, I know where she is, let's go!"

They split up and got into the cars. Carlisle and Emmett got in my car and I pushed down as far as I could on the accelerator. Alice, Esme, Jasper and Rosalie followed suit behind me.

"Edward, what is going on?" Carlisle's voice said from the seat next to me. Emmett leaned forward in the backseat so he could be in on the conversation as well.

"We were wrong. It's not hybrids and it's not the Volturri, although I did see Heidi tonight. The Knights of Malta have her. They are using her as leverage to try to get me to join them." I spoke so fast, only my own kind such as Carlisle and Emmett could understand. "We were lured here under a false pretense." I sighed softly. "Carlisle?'

"Yes?"

"Do you think the Pope would mind too terribly much if we used his jet to go to Malta?"


	12. Things To Do Before I'm Dead

It was a short flight to Malta, due to Italy and Malta being in close proximity to each other.. I had brought my family up to speed on what what happening. Now that I knew exactly where Emilia was at, I felt relief and I was ready to get her. Emmett was also more then ready to go up against these Knights. He was razzing Jasper, who was being true to form and was trying to formulate a working battle plan out.

"Do not be fooled into thinking we can just walk in there and overtake them. These men are not all that much different then we are. Sure, they are human, but this water they took from Solomon's Temple has immense powers that makes them almost our equals. They are also skilled assassins, they have had centuries to practice their art." Jasper's voice was quiet, low and serious.

"There were several things I always wanted to do before I was dead, and taking down a knight or two was on that list, right next to watching Rosalie bikini wrestle some other chick in Jello for me and me being President." Emmett's booming laugh brought us out of our deep state of thoughts and into the present.

"Do you know how many there are?" Esme's concerned voice belied the steel under it.

Jasper just shook his head. "This was all supposed to be just a legend remember? No one knows."

We remained in our own thoughts for the rest of the short trip. I pushed everyone's thoughts out of my head and just concentrated on Emilia.

When the jet landed, we slipped out into the night. I led the way to the coast where the cross had been on the map. An old castle stood high against the coastline, imposing itself on the landscape. We were miles away from anyone. This place might have been on a deserted island, we were offered that much seclusion.

We were a blur in the night as we raced to castle. I tried to read the thoughts from the inside, but once again I was met with nothing. Maybe the water they drank had placed a protective shield against outsiders reading their minds.

We made our way easily over the outer wall that surrounded the castle and found ourselves in a courtyard. The large castle loomed at us, the dark gray stone reflected against the pale moonlight.

I'm going to scale the wall, and go in one of the upper windows. Jasper, will you do the same on the other side? Don't make yourself known just yet. We need to see what we are up against." Carlisle spoke up. "Edward, I need you and Emmett to try to _quietly_ enter the main floor. Don't make yourself known either. Just see if you can find out anything. There may only be one knight here, there may be one hundred. Until we are sure, do not attempt a rescue on your own. Do you understand me?" Even though he spoke to us both, he looked at me and I knew his words were directed at me.

I nodded at him and he returned the nod, it was a sign of our silent binding promise.

"Esme, Rosalie and Alice. Stay here. We will all be back shortly. Keep your eyes and ears open." Carlisle and Jasper disappeared, nothing more then a blur as they scaled the rough stone walls.

"You ready to party bro?" Emmett slapped me on my shoulder. "Let's go kick some knight ass."

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed at him through clenched teeth. "You heard what Carlisle said."

Emmett turned to me with a huge grin on his face. And I smiled back. Typical Emmett.

We flew to the massive two wooden doors that were the only entrance to the castle. Emmett tried to open it.

"You expected them to have it unlocked and waiting for us?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow at him.

"You never know." He just shrugged back at me.

I looked over the door. We couldn't push our way through it or do anything else that might make a noise. We didn't know what was waiting for us on the other side.

"I have an idea." I groaned at the thought of Emmett having an idea.

Before I could ask him what his idea was, he slid his hand through the bottom crack and the one the side of the door and gave it a quick shake. It twisted off the metal hinges with barely a sound. He curled the wood door around the wall.

"After you sir," He said, bowing his head down and gesturing grandly at the now open door with his hands.

"Emmett, I will never again doubt any idea you have." He beamed at me as I stepped into the castle.

"You think too much sometimes. Sometimes, it's best just to go with easy. It keeps you out of a lot trouble."

"Thanks, Emmett, I'll try to remember that."

The interior was dim, a few candles lit metal sconces on the wall. There was nothing in this main hall. A few doors lead off on each side and a monster of a stone stairway split the hall in half.

"Let's split up." I nodded to the left. "You take that side. I'll go this way." I looked at the direction I had picked for myself.

Emmett nodded his head and gave me a thumbs up before he ran off to begin his search. For the first time since entering, I allowed myself to just let myself concentrate on hearing anything. I strained my ears for the faintest of noises. I could hear mice scurrying off somewhere in the castle. I could hear the stone themselves settling. I closed my eyes and I could hear the ocean outside, the waves lapping against the shore. And then I could faintly hear a heartbeat from somewhere deep under the castle. I ran in the general direction it was coming from. I stood before a heavy oak door and listened. It was there, faintly, but it was there. I opened the door and found a set of stairs.

I flew down the stairs and came into a room brilliantly lit up. A small group of five men dressed plainly in plain white tunics over black breeches were huddled around talking and farther back in the room, I could make out a stone arched doorway, closed so I couldn't see what was beyond that. I jumped from the middle of the staircase and threw myself down to land in front of the assembled men. They jumped at my sudden appearance and quickly drew themselves into a fighting stance. I heard the metal of their swords being pulled from their sheaths.

I quickly launched onto the first man I could reach. I reached out and with my hand, pushed his head with such a force that I knocked it completely off . I growled as I reached out and my granite hard fist went through some unfortunate mans chest, pushing past the bones of his ribs easily. With a movement so quick it was as if it hadn't happened, I moved my hand up and down inside his chest, turning his heart and lungs into liquid.

The other men circled around me and I growled as I broke through them, knocking them down. I caught two within my arms and squeezed their necks between my elbows. Their bones gave way under the pressure and I let them fall to the floor.

I had a sword pointed at me. I laughed as he tried to jab me with it. I grabbed the edge of the sword and turned it back on him, sending it through his stomach.

These were the trained assassins Jasper had warned me about? This was child's play. I could hear Emilia's heart now. It was the only sound coming from the other side of the door. I hadn't noticed the five mens hearts. That had been odd, but of course I was busy killing them to notice. The scent of their blood was filling me but I pushed past the burning desire and made my way to arched door. A carving in the wood made me pause.

_**Abandon all hope ye who enter here. The water is strong, but we are stronger.**_

I looked back at the carnage I had just inflicted. And I laughed to myself. Stronger then what? I was almost a bit upset the fight hadn't been harder.

I reached out to open the door. Emilia was somewhere on the other side of it.

"Edward! Stop!" Carlisle's voice loomed behind and I turned to face him. I watched as he, Jasper and Emmett stepped over the bodies to reach me.

"What? Emilia is right behind this door, let me go get her." I placed my hand on the handle and Carlisle knocked it off.

"It's not just Emilia behind that door, Edward. I imagine there is a whole roomful of knights there as well." He looked at me, and I couldn't deny the concern. Unnecessary concern in my eyes.

I gestured to the mangled mess of bodies on the floor. "These knights are not all that impossible to get past, I got through them very quickly and with very little trouble as you can see."

Carlisle shook his head furiously. "Did you really think it would be this easy to just swoop in there and rescue Emilia like this? What Jasper said on the plane is true, Edward. Those knights beyond that door are not that much different than us." He turned to look at bodies on the floor. "And these men you killed here were not of their kind. They were probably merely knights in training, they hadn't drank the water yet."

"So what do you propose we do Carlisle? I _have_ to go in there and get her."

Jasper stepped up to me now. "You mean _we_ have to go in there and get her. We can't let you do this on your own. Remember this, they are strong like us, but unlike us, they do have weak points. I'm sure they are similar to those weak points humans have. Try to aim for their throats, stomachs and knees. Anything you can do to knock them down and quickly gain the upper hand." He stared at me and I nodded.

"We also need to come at them in a united front, do not let too much space get between us. They can and they will be able to rip us apart." He added and I pushed open the door.

It swung open and we filtered into the open space. Standing in front of us, nine men stood at attention. Looking like a centuries old chess game, the knights fanned out in line. They wore rough, nubby linen tunics with large, black crosses on the front over black breeches. Around their waist, they had swords sheathed at their sides. A rumbling growl built up in my chest and I let the roar loose and it went over the open expanse of the room. The nine knights went into their fighting stances, and I crouched.

The only sound I could hear at that moment was the throbbing of Emilia's heart somewhere close by. The sound lifted me and made my fury more acute. These knights and their hearts did not beat like that, not like a humans. They thumped every minute or so, a loud, heavy beat that faded away. Their eyes were all the same color. A milky, hazy blue-gray, almost the color of smoke. Their skin had the same color cast to it.

"Where is Simon?" A voice called out from the group of knights.

I grinned at them. "Simon couldn't make it sadly." I edged my voice with sharp sarcasm and continued to smile.

"That's a pity."A knight in the center said. He stepped forward just slightly.

"Yes, it is isn't it?" I answered back, still grinning.

"He was a most excellent secretary for us...But, I wonder, did he mention that we had the very lovely Emilia sample some of our water before he was otherwise... engaged?" the knight said back to me, this time meeting my grin with one of his own.

I leaped in the air and forgetting everything Jasper had just told me, I came crashing down on the knight.

_You have really nice hair, it looks so perfectly...messed up. How do you get it like that?_

_My hair is the result of lying in hospital bed dying of the Spanish flu. I've had one hundred-forty six years of dealing with bedhead. I've always wondered why Carlisle didn't brush it for me before he changed me._

It's strange the thoughts that will pass through your head when you are fighting for your life and the life of the one you love.

I fell down on the knight, his body not yielding under my own, but the strength of my crashing into him sent us both tumbling down on the ground. We rolled on the floor, coming to rest against the stone wall. I used my knees to kick him off of me and he flew toward the door. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper got of his way as he landed. He picked himself up and ran toward me again. I moved so quickly, he couldn't see that I had ran past him and was now behind him. With another lightning fast move, I reached up and twisted his neck, it was as easy as opening a bottle of soda.

The other knights let out a yell and charged forward. We ran into them, the resulting crash of our bodies sounding like a piano being dropped from many stories crashing on the sidewalk below. Jasper had been right, these men were not that much different then us. It took real force to keep up with them and not let them overtake us. We did have our super human speed, but that was made useless by the closeness of the group, we couldn't get past them to run and surprise them.

This was their defense, to keep us closely inside this small throbbing mob. Jasper's word rang in my ears. _They can and they will be able to rip us apart_.

A new growth of fury built in me. I had been holding one at bay with my hand around his throat. I reached into his sheath and pulled out his sword. He saw that I had his sword and he began to fight his way out of my hold. I dropped him and watched him run towards the door. I was on him, sticking his own sword through him before he even had time to register he was already a dead man. The sword wouldn't go in easily through his skin and I had to use all my strength to push it in. I pushed till I was certain it was all the way through and then I left him, waiting for his body to fall to the floor. I discovered I had not only pushed the sword through his body, but also through the stone doorway. He was now standing, a grotesquely impaled figure in the doorway.

Since I was out of the circle, I could use this advantage to help Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper who were still stuck in the middle. I flew around the group, using a known weak spot, their necks, to break them under my hands. Carlisle had knocked one on the floor and bit into his neck. The knight twitched under Carlisle and Carlisle didn't give up until he was sure the knight was dead.

Jasper had used his fists to pummel one all the way against a far wall. Carlisle and I both watched as Jasper turned the knights midsection into a bloody pulp. The smell of the knights blood only further enraged Jasper. He turned his attention back on the now greatly diminished number of knights. He was crazed as he flew up on one fighting against Emmett and sank his teeth into an unsuspecting neck. Carlisle and I both seized the chance to take down the remainder. We flew to them and their cries for surrender and pain were over almost as soon as they began.

We looked over the room. The smell of blood stung my nose. But oddly, my throat didn't burn from thirst. An opening in the wall had been obscured by the line of knights at first and then by the distraction of fighting them, but I saw it now. I went to it and entered the tiny room. Sitting on a small chair was Emilia, her hand and feet tied and a scarf around her mouth. Two men stood at her side, both brandishing swords at her throat. I shook my head at them. I reached them in a flash and with one liquid movement, I used my elbow to hit the one on the right under the chin, his head popped back, a huge gapping wound split his neck open and I reached out for the other one and pushed him away with such force he went through the wall.

I crouched down and untied Emilia. "Are you alright?" I asked her, removing the gag from around her mouth. If I could cry tears, I would be crying tears of happiness and relief. "Emilia, did they make you drink anything?" I asked her softly, trying to look in her eyes that avoided mine. She shook her head at me and another round of relief rolled off of me.

"Is she alright Edward?" Carlisle said, peeking through the opening. "Does she need medical attention?"

I just shook my head, not taking my eyes off of her. Her bottom lip began to tremble and soon a cascade of tears overflowed her eyes and began to run down her face.

"Shh, it's OK." I pulled her out of the chair and into my arms. "It's OK."

"Well, I guess we will go let Esme and the others know we're still alive and Emilia is OK. You guys take as much time as you need here. We've swept the whole of the castle, there is no one else here." Carlisle backed out of the little room and dragged Emmett and Jasper behind him.

"I...I lied. I lied to you and drove you away and you still came." She stammered out the words in between gulps of breath.

"You lied?" I looked at her softly. "What do you mean you lied?"

"That last night we were together. I lied to you, said those horrible things to you so you would leave. I was trying to save you. From whatever, the Volturi or whatever it was. I thought if they knew I had broken up with you they wouldn't bother you and you would be safe. I'm sorry it didn't work."

She had lied to me to save me. _To save me_. The very thought stunned me and for an instant I felt as if I would burst from the intense waves of love sweeping through me. The waves hotly consumed me wholly and completely. And she had saved me, in every way possible. I would spend the rest of eternity making it up to her if I had to.

I picked her up in my arms and kissed her lightly on the lips. 'You have saved me. You have no idea how much you've saved me."

I walked out the door and realized we weren't quite alone. Four more men had appeared. Carlisle had assured me the castle was empty. I placed Emilia down and pushed her behind me. I sighed. Enough with all the killing. The men charged at me and I took off running towards them. I managed to push two back against the wall but one escaped past my arms. I growled and pushed them down and turned to Emilia, but the two men had jumped on my back. I reached across my back and pulled one off and threw him against the wall. I grabbed the other one and pulled him over my shoulder.

I watched in amazement as the man came up to Emilia and tried to take her down. Before I could get myself to her, she quickly spun completely around, her her leg extended out,hitting him square in the lower stomach so that he was knocked down on his knees. She kicked him on his back and then she knelt on his chest and quickly sent a firm, deadly karate chop down on his throat. She probably couldn't have heard the crushing of his windpipe, but I did. I remembered I was holding a guy by his head in my hand. With a quick flex of my hand, his head shattered under me. I dropped him, and stood staring at her.

She looked up at me and I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"What?" She said as she looked at me. "My grandma paid for karate lessons when I was a kid. She said it was good to know how to defend oneself. I was a second degree black belt" She beamed brightly at me and finally everything I had been feeling came rushing to the surface.

I walked up to her and pushed her up against the wall. My mouth angrily searched out hers. I kissed her with as much passion as I could without crushing her face under my lips.

"You are never leaving my side again, do you hear me?" I whispered as I brought my mouth close to her ear. I gently sucked on her earlobe. "If I have to search every last inch of the world, I would find you." I trailed down to her neck, blowing my cool breath on her neck. She shivered slightly at my touch on her.

"Do you know what I would do for you?" I asked, teasing her neck and collarbone with my tongue as I flicked it over and over."Do you know what I have already done for you?" I asked smoothly as I thought of all the carnage that lay behind us.

I heard her gulp. A wicked smile appeared on my face. I had her. But she also had me. She knew I would crawl on my hands and knees across the burning surface of Hell for her. She knew I would kill for her. And she knew I would die for her. I would give her the whole world if that's what it took.

I grabbed her chin to make her look at me. "Well? Do you?" I asked sharply as I held her gaze with mine.

"Yes," she answered meekly.

"Well then. At least we are in agreement about that." I said in a light, cheery voice. I smiled at her. If my dead heart could sing, it would be doing it now as the color came back to her face, her cheeks burning red.

"What do you say about us getting out of here and going somewhere...more appropriate?" I leaned back down to kiss her, this time it was a teasing kiss. A fleeting kiss. I wanted her to want more. To beg for more.

I took her hand in mine and we stepped over the bodies as we made our way to the door. I had to push the one that had been impaled and was now partially blocking the door out of the way. Emilia made a gagging noise.

"You watched me do all this," I said in mocked exasperation, sweeping my arm around the room. "And you gag at a person merely impaled?"

"It's not something you see everyday Edward. I mean, it looks so uncomfortable." She said seriously as she closed her eyes.

I laughed as I scooped her up into my arms. "He's dead. He doesn't feel a thing. Trust me. I know."

She weaved her hands through the back of my hair. "That's not true. You feel this," she leaned her face up to kiss mine. "And you feel love. You're not dead Edward. You're just living...differently than I am."

She said this so casually, yet with such a firm meaning.

I kissed her again as I ran up the stairs and out of the castle. We spilled out the castle into the courtyard, where the rest of my family was waiting for us.

"Good news, the Pope has agreed to let us take his jet back home." Carlisle said, snapping his phone shut.

"The Pope?" Emilia turned her head to look at me. "You guys know the Pope?"

"Apparently, he owes Carlisle a big favor. Carlisle won't tell us what that favor is though." I answered her.

Carlisle just chuckled. "I can't say exactly, but let's just say, me and this Pope, we go way back. Way back."

"Let's go home, Edward." She said softly. I nuzzled my cheek against hers.

"Absolutely."


	13. With Him I Need Not Pretend

I woke up and felt his cool arms wrapped around me. I rolled over and snuggled deeply into his chest.

"Good morning." I purred.

"Good morning to you too. Sleep good?" He asked while playing with my hair.

"You have no idea just how well I slept. Knowing that you were here with me." I wrapped my arms tighter around him and nudged him closer to me. He obliged me by scooting closer to me.

"So, what do you want to do today?" His cool breath rained down on me, sweeping me away.

"Well, I'm really still sort of tired to get up. Do you think we could just lay here for a bit longer? Like, forever?" I kissed his neck.

"Forever is an awfully long time to spend in bed." He said, moving his mouth to mine.

I met his kiss, sighing. I let my tongue slowly trace itself over the shape of his lips and I was surprised when he opened his mouth. His tongue pushed past my lips and he pressed me back down on the bed. My hand reached up for his face and I caressed the sides of his face. I could taste him, and my heart rate picked up.

He trailed down over my face and my neck with the back of his hand. I closed my eyes and let his cold hands play with my skin. He touched me so gingerly, so lightly, it was a teasing touch. His hand continued to go past my collarbone, over my breast and landed lightly on my stomach. I could feel his coolness through the thin cotton of my tank top.

I broke away from his kiss to collect myself. My breathing had increased and my heart was pounding. I rolled back over and looked up at the ceiling. Edward moved his head over mine, blocking the view. He grinned at me and I instantly turned to mush. I grabbed his head and pulled him down on me. He lightly rested his head on my shoulder.

"Edward?" I whispered to him. I felt his head stir on my shoulder.

"Yes?" He replied lazily, drawing imaginary circles on my stomach.

"I actually meant what I just said. About forever and all that." His hand stopped moving and he pulled himself away from me to roll over on his back.

"Hmm." was all he muttered.

"Edward?" I whispered again.

"Yes, Emilia?" he said softly.

"Well?" I teased him now.

"Forever. Really?" He mused aloud.

"Yes, really."I really meant it.

"Well, if the lady wants forever, then forever is what the lady gets." He moved his face over mine and began to kiss me again. "And Emilia?" He asked, breaking his lips from mine.

"Yes, Edward?" I giggled now.

"The cat stays."

I rolled my head to look at Shadow. She was busy peeing on Edward's pants. I scrunched my nose up "I think that's for the best. You know, I don't think she really likes you."

He flashed me that killer grin and I growled at him. He rolled me on top of him and I perched on top of him, looking down at him. I cocked my head at him and smiled.

"So this forever thing. No sleeping, ever. Right?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him.

"Yep." He said, popping the 'p' on the end.

"Hmm." I twirled a strand of his hair in my fingers. "Long nights. What does one do to pass the time?" I flirted and batted my eyelashes at him.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find something to do. Do you play Parcheesi?" He laughed and rolled me back on my back.

"I love you. You know that?" He asked me.

I smiled up at. "Of course I know you love me, silly boy. Now why don't you _show_ me how much you love me?" I winked at him.

He growled low and soft before he nuzzled the base of my neck.

"What the lady want, the lady gets." He said while pulling my tank top over my head. When it was off, he bent and kissed the hollow of my neck before his sweet, soft kisses moved slowly down.

I sighed and wound my hands through his hair gasping as his cool tongue swirled over my nipple. He continued to trail his mouth down over my stomach. His coolness raised goosebumps on my skin and by the time he was at the waistband of my shorts, I was trembling.

He sat up on his knees and pulled my shorts down and stared at me so long, I felt myself blush. He saw the color in my cheeks and he grinned.

"Sorry, I don't mean to stare, I've just never seen...I've never actually looked..."He mumbled over the words.

I sat up and pulled him down on me.

"It's OK. I've never done this either." I admitted to him.

He popped his head up to look at me. "Really?"

"Really."

"Are you nervous? Do you want me to stop?" He asked me smoothing back my hair. "Maybe I should stop, I'm scared I will get carried away and hurt you."

I grabbed the back of his hair and pushed his head down. "Don't you dare stop now!"

His mouth found mine and we began to kiss, this time, he was bit more forceful. His lips crushed against mine and he thrust his tongue into my mouth, searching. I responded back, letting myself get carried away in the heat of the moment. I raised my hips up to meet his and feeling him respond to my movement, I hooked my leg around his waist and pulled him close. He rested between my legs and I could feel him poking against me.

I reached down and pulled him out of his shorts, angling him for me. I raised my hips up, and urged him on. I could feel his cold member pressing against me. He slowly inserted himself, easing himself in, pushing slowly past the area that made me wince in pain. When he was fully inside he was still, allowing us both time to acclimate. And then ever so carefully, he began to move his body, making sure his thrusts weren't too hard.

I arched my back to fully meet his thrusts, both of my ankles wrapped tightly around his unyielding, rock hard waist. My breathing became faster as the friction between us heated up. I felt a strange sensation start to form in me, slowly building from the center until it radiated out and across my entire body. A new voice escaped me and I couldn't hold it back.

Edward was going faster, his weight distributed so evenly across my body, I hardly felt him. He lowered his head on my neck and began to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting him take me away. The sensation that had started to build up, was threatening to overtake me. My entire body felt numb as the first wave rushed over me. I moaned lightly and another wave hit me, the intensity was building. I felt as though I was going to burst. The next wave made my heart sing. I heard Edward moan and the felt an accompanying shudder through his body. He groaned and I felt a shot of cold liquid fill my insides.

He collapsed on top of me, weightless and I lie there, gasping, my whole body tingling. We lay like that for what seemed like hours before Edward rolled off of me. I sighed in contentment.

"Parcheesi has nothing on that" I said, pulling myself into his arms. If I could spend forever like this, then I would be happy.

"Emilia?" Edward said so low I could barely hear him.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. I needed that."

I laughed and burrowed my head into his shoulder.


	14. An Amendable Heart

We stood on top of the mountain. The wide, open country spread itself for us to see as far as our eyes could see. I huddled her close to me, the cold air whipping past us.

"You know, this list I have of the one hundred things I want to do before I die doesn't seem quite fair since I have a vampire to help me." Her voice was light, caught up in the wind.

"Like you would've climbed Mt. Everest by yourself." I chided her.

"Well, no, not by myself. But I had always thought I would have a Sherpa or something help me."

"Why have a Sherpa when you have a vampire husband who can climb the whole thing in less than thirty seconds?" I joked with her and I pulled her even closer. The air was getting colder, she needed to go back down.

I started to lead her back and she stopped me. "Just one more minute please? I don't ever want to forget this."

I smiled at her, her goggles were full of blowing snow. "Here, you can't see a thing." I wiped the snow off for her.

I watched as she took in the whole thing. The look of wonder on her face. I had told myself I would give her the world if that's what it took. Turns out I didn't have to give her the whole world. All she wanted in return was me. Her gift to me was her love. I had wanted to sing it out over the mountain tops, and I did. Much to her embarrassment. My voice had carried far over the peak of Mt. Everest and seemed to have echoed forever in the distance. She'd won me over me. Completely, sublimely and perfectly. I had asked her to marry me not long after we got back from Malta. I wasn't going to let her get away from me again. When she said yes and threw her hands around my neck to hug me, I hadn't thought I had been capable of feeling such happiness. We'd eloped. Despite Alice and her grand intentions for a lavish wedding, the only thing important to us was the vows. There would be many chances in the future for bigger celebrations if we wanted.

"Ready? I think we still have the Pyramids. And really? You want to swim the English Channel?" I looked at her with complete surprise.

She pulled out a dirty, torn and rumpled piece of paper. "This just a list I made up on a whim,Edward. I never actually thought I would be able to do half the crap I wrote on it. I just wrote things I would like to be able to do."

"Well lucky for you then that I am able to help you complete almost all your request on that list then." I smiled at her.

She smiled back at me. "That's true. If I had known, I might've added some more stuff on there."

I'd laughed when she brought the list out. "But you can do all those things when you are changed you know?" I teased her.

"Yeah, but these were all things I wanted to experience while I was human. The experiences will be different after I am changed."

She'd had a point. Things were going to be different. She had no idea how more clearly everything would be after the change. How her heightened senses would bring an all new appreciation to the everyday. But I didn't want to ruin her fun. I'd let her have her human experiences for as long as she wanted. She seemed in no real hurry to be changed and I was relieved. I wanted her to be absolutely sure that she was certain she wanted to be one of my kind.

"OK, I'm ready. I need some hot coffee." She was shaking, the thick snowsuit she was wearing was no match for the blowing wind and snow.

I helped her climb on my back and I scaled down the mountain, surely finding my footing here and leaping down there. I touched the base of the mountain in half a minute. Her snowsuit and goggles still showed the snow and frost from being on top of the mountain.

I helped her out of her suit and then took her hand in mine. She looked up at me and her green eyes flashed at me. I smiled back at her, and her cheeks burned red. I reached up to stroke her cheek.

"You know, I'm going to miss that I can make you blush like that."

"So you lose getting to see my cheeks blushing, but you gain me for all of eternity. It's not that bad of a trade off is it? She teased me.

"Not even, I think I am getting the better end of the deal." I started to lead her to the waiting Range Rover. "So the Pyramids? Or the Channel?" I turned around to face her.

"Neither. I just want you. Forever. Let's go home." She said clearly and smoothly and I understood what she meant.

"Are you sure? You can take more time, you know? Once you are changed there is no going back. I'm not going anywhere and you still have a few things on your list." I cautioned her. She needed to think about this.

She pulled out her list and tore it up, letting the pieces flutter away in the wind.

"The only thing I could possibly want is you." She leaned up on her toes and kissed me. "So, take me home."

I looked at her and regarded her face for a moment. Her brown hair whipped in the wind, brushing up against her lips. I pushed it back behind her ears. Her green eyes looked up at me and she had a faint smile on her face.

"Positive?" I asked one last time.

"Absolutely positive." She replied. And we started to walk to the Rover again. She held out a hand and stopped me. "And Edward?"

"Yes, my love?" I turned to look at her, thinking she had already changed her mind.

"I really need some coffee I'm freezing. And maybe some chocolate. I want to eat some chocolate one last time. And maybe a slice of pepperoni pizza." She started to walk again. "But after that..." Her voice trailed off and she got in the waiting Rover.

"What were you going to say Emilia?" I asked as I hopped in and started the vehicle.

"I was going to say, after that I'm yours forever. But you already knew that."

I grabbed her chin and pulled her over the console and kissed her.

"I did. And you also have me. Forever." I turned back to the steering wheel and we drove to the closest village. I would let her get her some coffee, then we would board a plane and I would take her to Belgium and I would buy her a damn chocolate factory if she wanted, so she could have all the chocolate in the world. And then I would take her to Rome, so she could eat the worlds best pizza. And then finally I would take her home. To our own home. And I would give her what she really wanted.

* * *

I sank into the couch and threw my hands in my face. My body shook with my silent tears. I felt Esme's firm hand on my shoulder.

"She will be alright Edward. You know we all went through this. Being a newborn is difficult. Everyone reacts to it differently. She will come back to you. Don't lose your faith in that. No matter what happens now, she _will_ come back to you."

It had been six months. When was she coming back to me? I was growing impatient with the waiting. I needed her. I wanted her. I was not complete without her.

She had woken up from the change, scared and without her memory. We had tried to subdue her but she bested even Emmett and had ran. We tried to follow her scent, but she had crossed a river and swam down it and we had lost her. Alice couldn't see exactly where she was at. Just that it was very cold and snowy. I had thought maybe she had went to Alaska but the Denali coven hadn't seen or heard anything about her. Alice could see her returning eventually, but she wasn't sure of the exact time. I had asked Alice if she could tell the color of Emilia's eyes, but Alice had said no and when I read her mind, I could see she was telling the truth.

So we all waited for her to return. Six months turned into seven months. By the tenth month I was going absolutely crazy.

"You've got to calm yourself Edward." Carlisle had told me one night while we were in his office. He was putting together one of those ships in a bottle. He was cursing under his breath. "This thing is harder then it looks like, even for these agile vampire hands."

I was flipping through a book, not paying any attention to the words. I'd already read it once, I had it memorized perfectly. I slammed the book down and it shook the tiny table next to the chair.

"Easy, Edward. That table is over one hundred years old. A fine piece of post-modern furniture too." He glanced at me over the bottle.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I can't take it anymore Carlisle. I honestly can't" I got up and started pacing quickly.

I heard Carlisle sigh. "Go out. Get some fresh air. Go hunting. Do something." He said sternly, I knew I was irritating him with my pacing

I took his advice and left. I ran and let the air wash over me as I ran through the forest. I wasn't really thinking of where I was going. I was just running. I made a slight change in my direction and headed south. I didn't stop until I reached the end of the cemetery. I hadn't been here since we had laid Bella to rest. I easily found her tombstone. I fell down on my knees. Someone had placed a fake red rose there.

"I'm scared. What if she doesn't ever come back Bella?" I sighed and closed my eyes. "It's funny how destiny works isn't it? One moment, one word can change the whole course of a persons lifetime. You are here now because of that."

I stood up. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back to the house, but I didn't want to be here either. Bella wasn't here. She was somewhere where the sun never set and its warmth radiated off every single part of you and you felt constant joy. She wasn't in this place, this sunless place, buried under the dirt. I was talking to no one here.

I actually walked at a human pace back home. I was in no rush to get back. My family was there, but the one I had given my whole existence to was gone. Everyone kept telling me she would come back when she remembered, that she would find her way back. But what if she didn't? What if for some reason, she never got her memory back? These thoughts invaded my mind and I couldn't shake them.

_Come back to me Emilia. Come back. _

Eleven months had come and gone and I was getting dangerously close to the year mark that I knew marked the real end of the newborn phase and still no Emilia.

Emmett and Jasper had talked me into going hunting with them. I hadn't wanted to get too far from the house in case she showed up, but they had been persistent and I gave in. I was craving a good romp with a mountain lion.

I had just spotted one when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it and went in for the kill, knocking the lion over as I jumped on it. We rolled over and I didn't feel as it clawed at me. I rolled on top of it and lowered my head and bit through its skin, piercing its jugular and being rewarded by the taste of its warm blood flowing into my mouth. I finished it off and sat back and let the satisfying feeling of being full sweep over me.

My phone started to vibrate and I sighed as I pulled it out of my pocket. I flipped it open to see a simple text message from Alice. It just said _'She has come back home'._ I flew home.

I pushed past the door and ran into the large open room. Sitting on the couch surrounded by Esme, Alice, Rosalie and Carlisle was a beaming Emilia. I crossed the room in flash and fell at her feet. I looked up into her eyes. They weren't green anymore, but they also weren't red. They were the color of fresh honey. I sighed and smiled at her.

"Welcome home." I said.

She smiled back at me. "I've been missing you."

I stood up and pulled her off the couch and into my arms. I didn't care that everyone was watching as I kissed her. I could finally kiss her the way I wanted to, and I put everything I had into it. I released her and smiled as she took a step back.

I led her up to my room and we talked for hours about her experience. She told me she had felt an unnatural pull to Mt. Everest and she couldn't understand why at first. She talked about how she had tried to hunt humans, but she couldn't. And she talked about the day her memories started to come back to her.

"It was just flashes every once in awhile. It was baffling to me at first. I didn't understand where these images were coming from. But over time they got more and more stronger and finally it all started to click. I remembered you and us and I knew I had to come back. I couldn't get back fast enough then." She smiled at me.

I pulled her close to me. And we stayed like that for hours. The sun rose and then set. And we were both content to just sit and be with each other. We had each other forever and we both were forever young. Never growing old, never dying. We had all the time in the world.

I kissed her and felt her body respond to mine. I closed my eyes. I had missed this, the way our bodies seem to be in sync with each other. We tore at each other, our mouths searching each other out. My hands ran over body, tearing off her clothes. She did the same, throwing them in the floor. She pushed me on my back and climbed on top. Her mouth trailed down over my mouth, down my chin and my neck. She gently sucked on my neck before she began her way down my chest. She settled herself over me and I sighed as I entered her. I placed my hands on her hips and we both moved to meet each other, grinding our bodies roughly to become one. We both exploded into each other, and she fell on top of me.

"Edward?" She asked me softly.

"Yes?" I replied back, playing with her hair, utterly happy.

"Why am I associating Parcheesi with us right now?" She breathlessly said.

My loud laughing filled the room.

My love was back. She had come back to me.

Our love that had come about as the direct result of a single lie I told so many years ago had come full circle. I could look past the workings of destiny and see that this was where it was all supposed to lead. Everything had led to this moment, this perfect moment of holding Emilia close to me. In finding her and finding her love, I was finally able to forgive myself. She allowed me to forgive myself.

We had the whole future ahead of us. We were able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We had no time limits, no humanly expectations to tie ourselves to. We were never going to get tired, sick, or grow old. We had each other for as long as this world lasted. I wasn't sure what lay beyond that. At this moment, I didn't really care. I would take that step when it came, if it ever came. I felt like I had that day on top of the mountain. I finally felt free. Her love had set me free. And I had let go of Bella.

My sweet Bella. I thanked her everyday. She was the key that had led to me finding Emilia. Bella was not meant to be mine. She'd never been mine, really. But it turned out I had an amendable heart. And I was able to amend my heart to include Emilia. She now took up all the empty places in me. She was a part of me.

I snuggled close to Emilia and entwined her fingers in mine.

"Happy?" I asked her lazily.

"The best." She whispered.

"So, what do you want to do forever?" I whispered back in her ear, nuzzling against her neck.

"Want to see if we can last in this bed forever?" She said, turning to look at me with a big grin on her face. "Or, I guess we could play Parcheesi."

I growled at her and pulled the covers over our heads and kissed her.

"No Parcheesi. I like this idea better."

We _could_ stay like this forever.


	15. Epilogue:You Can Close Your Eyes

There it was again. That feeling. I could feel someone watching me. I turned my head as fast as I could, but all my eyes, my very human eyes, could detect was a breeze seemingly blowing through the leaves. I had these feelings often, not every day, not every year even. But at random times throughout the years. Perhaps it was my overactive imagination hoping it was something more. It certainly wasn't that _he_ was watching me. _He_ had made that very clear to me. _It will be as if I never existed...I don't want you...I will find other distractions._

After he had left me there, I was a changed person. I spent a few months feeling sorry for myself, turning into an emotionally drained zombie. I allowed myself that. But I picked myself up, dusted my shoulders off and went on with my life. I graduated from high school and then moved on to college. Alaska was a different place, to be sure, but I made new friends and by the time I graduated, I'd come one hundred-eighty degrees from where I had started. I was a new person.. I traveled the world, there was so much of this world I wanted to see. I signed up for flight lessons, something so unlike me my dad couldn't believe it. Charlie had grown quite proud of me, I could tell. Blooming into a self-assured, independent woman.

I had even managed to find one man above all other men I had dated who had the ability to make me forget about _him_. Or at least, make _his_ memory seem further away then it really was. Nate Steele. He swept me off my feet, literally, in Victorian Studies class while at college. I had been walking to my chair when in true typical Bella Swan fashion I had tripped over my own feet. He rushed forward to catch me and in the dizzying moments that soon followed as I looked into his jade green eyes, I was hooked.

Study meetings turned into dates and dates turned into moving together. And suddenly, I was engaged to this wonderful man. My life seemed complete at last. And as hard as it was, I knew I was doing Nate no favors by constantly letting my mind wander to _him_ and what could've been. I wrote it all down in journal and told myself that was it. I had purged _him_ out of my life and onto paper. I tucked the journal away and never looked at it again.

I had walked down the aisle of the packed church full of our friends and family, glowing. I was walking confidently toward my future. When I had been asked by the preacher if I intended to take Nate to be mine till death, I answered loudly and clearly, "I do.". There had been a brief opening and closing of the church door at that moment, but I payed no mind to see who it was. I was too busy grinning wildly at my new husband.

We had decided to wait a few years before we started our family. We took this time to enjoy ourselves and get ourselves settled into our new life together. We moved back to Forks to be closer to Charlie. Nate built up a moderately successful law firm and I was happy to be teaching high school English. We set up a wonderful home and decided the time was right to start our family.

I got pregnant right off the bat. A very easy pregnancy followed by an even easier delivery. Our first child, Nathan Alan Steele, II made his way into our lives. Two years later I found myself pregnant again but no sooner had I found out, then I miscarried. With a toddler to take care of, I didn't let myself grieve like I should have. A year later, I was pregnant again and with a guarded eye, I carefully waited till our second son, Robert Charles Steele came crying into the world.

Nathan and Robert were not cut from the same cloth, they were as different as two brothers could be. Nathan was quiet, shy, reserved, a bookworm. Robert was loud, funny, athletic and hated anything to do with school or learning. Watching them grow up had been the highlight of my life. I loved chasing after them. It made me young again, vital. I couldn't believe that these two small gifts were mine. That I carried them, gave birth to them and now, I was granted this chance to watch them grow up. To think that my perfect life now could've turned out so differently had a moment or a word been changed then, back in the woods behind my dads house that day...I couldn't stand to think of it.

I watched as my sons grew up into strong, handsome men. Nathan went on to study law like his dad, Robert went on to become a high school football coach. Before I knew it, my two babies were married and with babies of their own. The magic of my life was not lost on me. I never took a single moment of this life for granted.

Getting older meant things changed. My reflection changed in the mirror, lines and wrinkles found a home on my face. My long brown hair gave up as the battle of the silver hair won. But time also gave me the gift of wisdom. Things that were once unclear were now crystal clear. I had a better understanding of things. Destiny may not always seems a fair thing, but perhaps, in the end, destiny knew what it was doing.

In later years, Nate and I were happiest when our family surrounded us. Our grandchildren gave us immense pleasure and chasing around my chubby toddler grandkids in the backyard with a water hose or letting them eat an ice cream cone before dinner were things I looked forward to.

I was especially close to my first born grandchild, Emilia Marie. My oldest sons daughter, she was like me in a lot of ways. Quiet, years older then she really was. She was almost my twin, except her eyes were the same color as my Nate's and her fathers, jade green that could flash a brilliant shade when emotions ran high. She would come over to the house often and we would read books together. She lost herself in the world of Jane Austen and the Bronte' sisters. I had even paid for her karate lessons, after watching her out in my garden doing karate moves she had picked up from a movie.

And so the years passed by me. Each one happy and full. Until. Until I had rolled over in bed one morning and kissed my husband on his cheek. At first, I was a bit shocked at the coldness of his cheek. It brought back a quick flash of a memory of kissing another cold cheek, that cheek had been dead too. I tried to shake Nate awake, but he was already gone, he had slipped away in the night. Gone from me forever.

So this was the way everything was to be was it? Everything I had loved with all my heart and soul taken from me. It was cruel. First _him_ and now Nate. And I felt that blanket of darkness threatening to overtake again. To make into a zombie. And this time, I didn't care. It could take me. I wanted it to take me. I had nothing else. I was gone as well. I closed off to everyone. I was already gone. I slipped from this earth to not quite the next world. I was in-between worlds. Just waiting, biding my time.

And as I as waiting in that cold darkness, I could have sworn I heard one faint, familiar last voice calling out for me_. __I'm so sorry Bella. I told you a most heinous lie, because I was a coward. I loved you too much. I only wanted you to have the happiness I thought you deserved._

Its rich, velvety tone carried through the spaces between where he was and I was, calling out to me.

_I will always love you. If there is any part of you that can still hear me, know that. I loved you then, I love you now and I will always love you. I put you alone above everything else._

Was this one last, final cruel joke? To hear _his _voice? Was this my failing minds way to make up some sort of apology from him? I had almost thought it was until I thought I felt a momentary firm grip on my hand, almost willing me to squeeze back.

_Squeeze back!_ I told myself _Squeeze back, let him know you hear him! _But my mind and my body were too far apart now to work in tandem with each other.

I thought I felt a set of cool lips on my forehead. _Goodbye, my love. What I wouldn't give to be able to go back..._ I screamed loudly inside myself and then I felt myself crying. Not crying on the outside of course, I was unable to cry physically.

Edward.

Edward had come back. He had come back to apologize. He _had_ lied. He had lied to me.

I sat with myself in this empty space between heaven and earth. My life. I'd had a wonderful life. I wasn't meant to have a life with Edward. That much was certain. That one lie he told me that day had set the whole makings of our future destinies in such a way there was no going back. Things were as they were because that's the way they were supposed to be. Nothing could change that. It didn't need to be changed. I oddly felt a sensation of peace over me. I was floating. I could feel it. I wondered where I was floating to? It felt warm, not hot, but pleasantly warm. I lifted my face up to the source of the warmth and I was overcome with joy.

I was home.


	16. It's hard to say goodbye

I wanted to thank everyone for their reviews. I'm so glad you liked this story. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

I know, it's not a typical Edward/Bella story. Both Edward and Bella did not get their happily ever after with each other, but with others. But at its very core, this story is still very **MUCH** an Edward/Bella love story, despite how it looks on the first read. Their love is still there, it's just a changed love, that's all. As Edward says, "I was able to amend my heart to include Emilia."

I wanted to play with the whole fate/destiny thing and how unbelievably wild it is that just one word you can say **OR** not say to someone can change the whole course of a persons life. Destiny is a funny, funny thing. What if Edward NEVER came back to Bella? What if Bella never came back to Edward? Where would that lead them? It opens up so many options. I took just one of those paths.

The decision to add Bella's POV at the end was a bittersweet choice. I wanted you to see how she felt over the last fifty-seven years, but at the same time, I worried that it would be rubbing salt in the wound, so to speak. In the end, I went with it because I think it not only gives Bella a voice for this story, but also sets up the whole fate/destiny thing for the story in a way that Edward and Emilia's POV could never do. It was important for me to show you that Bella **WAS** happy in her life without Edward and that at the very end, Edward got make his confession to Bella and Bella learned he had lied and loved her and that finally set her free.

About the playlist: Some of the songs relate directly to the story. An example of this would be the first song and the very last one. The first one "The Promise" by Tracy Chapman I think showcases Edward perfectly in that first chapter. "You Can Close Your Eyes" by James Taylor for Bella's Epilogue also fits perfectly in my eyes. Other songs don't really have direct meaning other then they lend a perfect atmosphere and general feelings relating to that chapter.

* * *

**Updated 10/13/2008 A/N**

I consolidated many chapters of An Amendable Heart into one. At the time I posted the story, I just uploaded the story as I finished certain parts. Nothing as been changed in the story, some chapters are just longer then they originally were posted.

I completely removed Book 2 from this story. It was written in an extreme rush and not fleshed out as well as I would've liked. After reading it through a few times, I decided it wasn't as good as it should've been. It may come back later in its rewritten glory or it may sit in my computer, drawing hypothetical cobwebs. There were some parts of Book 2 that I really loved however, and I hope you did too if you got the chance to read it.

* * *

**A few of my favorite parts from Book 2.:**

"Let me up, I'm not going to run away. I promise."

I sighed too. "If you do, I will follow you."

"Yes, I know. That's why I won't run away." Her words chilled me and I let go of her and she pulled herself off of me and stood up, as I did.

"Emilia, I've been miserable without you." I said, looking into her face.

"Oh, boo hoo, you've been miserable. Poor fucking Edward Cullen. What about me? You don't think I've been miserable? God, you can be a pompous ass sometimes." She bit down on her lip and stared at me. "I've been waiting here for two whole months, waiting for you to apologize to me. Two. Months. I've put up with Alice's makeovers, her dragging me to every known shopping mall in the world, waiting for YOU. Nothing. And now, you want me to feel sorry for YOU because you've been so miserable? Are you fucking insane?"

I stood there, stunned at her truthful words. I opened my mouth to say something but she kept on.

"You should've come to me before all this happened. We could've agreed to something together. But in true typical Edward Cullen fashion, you had to go and make this whole big production. You had this perfect idea in your head and you know what Edward? You call Rosalie stubborn but Rosalie can't hold a torch to your stubbornness. You will not let go of anything until you have your way. No matter the cost. Obviously."

_Ouch. _Her last word hurt and rightly so. I could never justify my actions for the end result.

"You're right." I spoke quickly before she had another chance to berate me further. "You are absolutely right. I am a pompous ass. I am stubborn. I am also extremely, completely, utterly, wildly in love with you. You are my life and even though I may have managed to make a horrible mistake that I could never justify, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I truly did all this for us. And furthermore, I am willing to do absolutely whatever it takes to gain you back to my good graces. I want to fix you. I want to fix us."I stepped toward her just slightly. "Not just because I love you, but because I know you still love me. It's why you left the door unlocked. It's why you let me catch you. And it's why you are still standing here." I stepped even closer.

"I can't undo what I've done. What's passed has passed. I don't expect you to just forget about what happened or even forgive me right away. That will take time. We have all the time in the world Emilia. We have this infinite amount of time just waiting ahead of us. Are we going to spend it apart and miserable without each other? Or, are we going to spend it together? There are only two choices here for us Emilia." I finished and waited for her answer.

* * *

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are being a complete. . . bitch." He stumbled over the last word as if it wouldn't come out of his overly gentrified mouth in the presence of a woman. He looked disgusted as the word came out of his mouth.

I slammed on the brakes, and we slid along the empty wet pavement in wide circles. Edward screamed as we were flung around with the sharp circles, the tires squealing in protest of the sudden braking. We finally came to rest in the center median. "I'm sorry dear, but I thought I just heard you call me a bitch. I'm not completely sure I heard you right, but I did just get to hear _you_ scream like a bitch, so I guess we are even." I smiled brightly and innocently at him before I turned the car back around to head in the right direction.

"I didn't scream out of fear, Emilia. That's crazy. I merely screamed because I was surprised," he said as he settled back into his seat, letting go of the arm rest. I looked down at the deep imprint of his fingers in the arm rest and grinned at myself. _You were so scared Edward Cullen. _

We were heading back to Edinburgh after a weekend in London. Edward had said I needed a break and that we needed some private time alone together. I agreed only as long as I could drive his new Aston Martin Lagonda sedan. It was like a much faster, hipper Jaguar.

He was right. I was being a complete bitch. But it was a well deserved bitchery, I thought. I had come home because I loved him and was homesick, but I wasn't able to fully forgive him. Not even after we had made things right with Jo. The whole situation had rubbed me raw. I was still too raw and exposed to let Edward back in.

"I am being a complete bitch. You are right. You may have to deal with me being a bitch for all of eternity honey." It is an interesting quirk of vampirism that even the most hateful of words can sound so sickeningly sweet and seductive. "I mean, you did after all have sexual intercourse with another woman. Who you then got pregnant. Who you then killed, or thought you killed. You lied to me. You ran from me. You disappointed your entire family, not to mention your wife. Let's see, what else? Oh yes, I thought the Volturi were going to kill you. And once again, I probably had to save you. So yeah, excuse me for having a _little_ bit of an attitude"

I was fuming now. This was insane. Who was I kidding? As much as I loved Edward, I wasn't so sure I could make this work. I was just still too angry. I wouldn't even hardly let the man touch me. And I couldn't do _that_ with him yet, just kissing him brought back my jealous imagination of him and her in bed together. I had to pull myself away from him.

'I'm sorry Emilia. You've seen so much happier these last few weeks since we've been home. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to make things better for us so we can move past this," he said quietly from his seat.

"You can't just snap your fingers and make me better. Maybe I came back too soon." I said, watching the traffic increase as we got closer to the city. "Maybe I need more time. I don't know."

"More time for what Emilia? For me to get miserable without you so I will come get you again? We can't ever move beyond this until we talk about it. Running away from it will never resolve it."

I sighed. He was right. I kept driving until I found the turn I needed and when I deviated from the route back to our house in Edinburgh, Edward looked at me in surprise.

"Taking a new shortcut darling? Edinburgh is that way." he said, gesturing toward the north.

"We aren't going to Edinburgh. At least, not yet." I said through clenched teeth.

Esme and I were working on this old abandoned estate south of the city. At one time it had probably been a grand affair. Once upon a time that is. It had fallen into disrepair many years ago, but Esme had seen potential in the place and taking me on as her partner, we set about to renovate the place. We replaced the broken lead paned windows, fixed the slate tiles on the roof and had the brickwork repaired. It was slowly taking shape again as the once grand estate it had been.

The headlights swept over the house hidden in the darkness and rain. To anyone else, it probably looked haunted. There were such things as ghosts, but they only existed in our minds. I had the ghost of our marriage in the car with us right now. I could feel the cold space it placed between us, pushing us apart.

"You are absolutely right Edward. We will never get past this if we keep running away from it. So, I'm stopping. Right here." I shut off the car and got out and trudged through the rain to the front door. I unlocked the door and stepped in. No light found its way in the house, but it mattered little to my eyes. I saw everything just as clearly as if it a million spotlights were on the house. I stepped gingerly over the work equipment scattered on the floor and made my way to the large, open parlor. Edward followed more slowly.

I spun around to face him. "I think I came back to you to early. I'm not ready. I don't know that I will ever be ready."

I heard a sharp intake of Edward drawing in a breath. "You cannot possibly mean that. Listen to yourself Emilia. You came back because you wanted to, not because I made you.

"I am hearing myself Edward. Can you honestly just expect me to forget this whole thing? To just go on as if it never happened? I can't. You know why? Because that person who could do those things to me wasn't the Edward I knew. That's scary. You might be back now. Who's to say _that_ Edward won't be back again too?"

"I did _everything_ for you. I do everything for you. I will always do everything for you. I was the same person then that I am now. There is no difference." His voice was sharp now and I could detect the anger behind it.

"That's just it Edward! You don't have to do anything for me other then just giving me yourself. That's all I ever wanted. I did not sign up for this obsessive, get-what-you-want-at-any-costs Edward Cullen. I don't know that Edward."

"Well, perhaps it's time you are introduced to him." His voice sneered at me through the darkness.

"I have no interests to meet that Edward, you can be assured of that." I snapped back.

"What's really going on here Emilia? Is it your plan to make me suffer all of eternity. I will gladly do so if doing so means I might one day be able to get back in _your _good graces." He moved toward me and I took a step back. He stopped as he saw my movement.

"God, you always have to make this about yourself. Not everything is about you Edward. Think about me for just a minute. ME. Can you possibly imagine what I am going through right now? Place yourself in my shoes. Imagine if the tables were turned." I crossed my arms against my chest and looked down at the dirty floor.

"I am obsessive. I am possessive. You've always know that. Always. I always get I want Emilia. That's not the vanity of a vampire speaking now. That's Edward Cullen speaking. You've always known that as well. So you see, if I imagined myself in your shoes I would have no problem seeing that the man I loved did all of this for me." He stared at me, a soft smile on his face. "If you want to play the martyr in all of this, that's fine. But don't stand there and accuse me of acting in ways that aren't me and then say you are angry with my actions. Because you've known all along what I am capable of and would do for you."

I stood there staring at him for the longest time. I didn't know what to say. He was right.

"So, are you going to tell me what it is that's really bothering you Emilia?" His voice came closer to me now, he had moved to stand next to me. I instinctively shivered as his breath swept along my ear and down my neck.

I turned my head away from him and bit down on my lip. "Well, my sweet Emilia? I can stay here forever waiting for you." His finger traced along my jawline.

I closed my eyes as his touch tingled my entire body, igniting a small fire within me. "You are mine Emilia. But I also suspect that you hold me in just as high a regard. We are each the possessors of each others souls. Just as I would do anything for you, I have no doubt you would also do anything for me. I'm not wrong am I Emilia?" He shook his head in answer for me. "I don't think I am."

"I have to admit, this whole woman scorned is a rather fetching side of you, but I would rather you drop the whole act. It is getting a bit tiresome. I can only apologize so many times." His lips brushed up against my neck. _Jesus, he was going to make me explode_.

"Edward, you can't seduce me out of my anger." I said briskly.

"Oh, can't I?" he said as he ran a finger lightly down my arm. "I'm tired of throwing myself at your mercy. I need a new challenge in getting your forgiveness."

"Our fucking won't achieve my forgiveness." I said coldly.

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm quite eager to find out."He moved his hand to gently cup my breast.

I closed my eyes. I missed his touch, but I couldn't go on. "Edward, don't. Please." I said softly. He responded by squeezing my breast just slightly, enough so that the increased pressure of his touch made me moan softly.

Emboldened by this, his hand moved down, sweeping down over my shirt and nestling in the crotch of my jeans. I gathered myself and pushed him away.

"I mean it, Edward! I'm not ready. Do you know what I see when I close my eyes? I can't even fantasize about us anymore because my brain has been polluted by images of you with her," I screamed at him, finding my anger again and releasing into the open the biggest source of my anger.

'There. There it is. Finally. Thank God," he said, looking at me. "There is your anger."

"Yes, there it is. Happy now?" My mouth trembled under my anger as I stared at him.

"Your source of anger is jealousy then? That was the most miserable night of my life Emilia. For many reasons. If you are thinking I derived any pleasure from . . . that night you are sadly mistaken. I viewed the entire act only as a means to obtain the end result. And if you think that cold of me, then you are right to think that. I was cold, cruel and calculating to her."

I crumbled to the floor, taking along with me my entire world. Edward was at my side in a flash, taking me into his arms.

"I hate that you have to hear this Emilia. I hate myself for that night. I hate what I did. I hate what that night has done to us." His voice broke as he began to cry. A tortured, tear-less cry that shook his very body.

What has become of us? Who were these two people on this dirty floor in this rundown house in the middle of the night in the rain? Where had Emilia Marie Steele Cullen and Edward Anthony Masen Cullen gone to? Were we lost forever? Would we, _could_ we ever find our way back to each other and who we were? Maybe this was our destiny. Maybe our destiny had been chosen that day long ago in the forest with Edward and my grandmother. They hadn't been meant to be together then. Maybe this wasn't meant to be now, her granddaughter and Edward.

"I wish I could fix everything for you Emilia. I wish you would let me try to fix everything." he said as he pulled me close to him.

"I don't know if this can be fixed Edward." I said sadly, letting the words push their way out into the quiet space that surrounded us.

"Time heals all wounds. Don't give up me Emilia. You love me, I can feel it. We belong to each other, we were meant to be together."

"Are you so sure about that Edward?" I asked him, looking into his golden eyes. 'What if we weren't meant to be together?"

"I don't believe fate to be that cruel. We were placed together for a reason. We are each half of each others souls. We can never be apart." He placed his hands on either side of my face. "You were meant to be my wife. We were meant to have forever together. I am sure of that."

He pulled my face toward his and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I love you Emilia. As long as I last on the earth, you will be the only one for me. I desire only you. You fulfill my every want and need. Please. Please don't give up on us. Don't let this go because of a single failed action on my part. Jesus Christ Emilia, I can never make you fully understand why. How I could love you so much I would do something so awful." Edward let go of my face and pulled away from. He stood up and walked to a window.

I absorbed the exchange that had happened between us. I did love Edward. So much so that the very thought of being apart from him tore my inside up and made a cold blanket of hopelessness descend over me. I could not picture a future without Edward. Try as hard as I could, all I could see was a blank, empty future spreading out ahead of me for as far as I could see. I did not want to endure it without him.

"Okay." I said strangely, as if I was speaking for the first time. I sounded foreign to myself.

He turned from the window to face me. "Okay what?" he said apprehensively.

"I'm not giving up on us." Again, my voice took me by surprise, it was as if I was a new person.

I was suddenly swept up in the arms of Edward. He embraced me tightly and I allowed myself to put my arms around him in response. It felt so good. I leaned my cheek against his shoulder and closed my eyes. I once again felt whole, almost as if I had returned home. It was almost as if Edward could read my thoughts at this very moment.

"Welcome back to me. I've missed you," he whispered in my ear.

"I've missed you too." I said as I lifted my head and placed a kiss on his lips.

He met my kiss with on of his own and in this small way we had stumbled back to each other. We were both imperfect creatures in an imperfect love. I could not not love Edward. It was as if he was wired to be a part of me. And I was certain it was the same for him.

We fell to the floor in a heap of writhing passion. Our hands tearing off each others clothing, our mouths tasting every inch of each other. I bit lightly on Edwards shoulder, a new sense of pleasure washing over me. I needed to be in charge of this. I HAD to be in charge of this.

"You just bit me Mrs. Cullen,' he said breathlessly as his mouth swept over my mouth.

His mouth found mine and I angrily crashed my lips into his, taking out any residual anger I had left inside me on him. My hands wound through his hair and I pushed his head down, to meet my anger. My tongue angrily parted his lips and thrust into his mouth. I tasted him and I pushed him further into me. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I rolled him over so that I was on top of him. His eyes sparkled with waiting lust at this movement.

"We have to be careful, Esme won't appreciate us tearing down your project," he muttered to me between kisses.

"I don't give a fuck about the house right now." I growled at him.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me before he pushed me back on my back. He hitched my legs up on his shoulders and buried his head between them. I let myself go as his tongue slowly teased me, pulling me to the edge before I was yanked back before I could go over. He relentless tormenting of me made me cry out for him to stop teasing. He laughed as he slowly moved his mouth to my inner thigh and then slowly worked his way up my trembling stomach. He stopped to soft suck on a raised nipple, again sending waves of sharp tingles down my body. I shivered at this response as he finally made his way to my mouth.

"I absolutely adore you, you know?" he said in a breathless voice as I wrapped my ankles around his waist. He entered me and I felt him shake before he stopped.

I looked up at him. "Edward?" I asked gently, not sure of where he had gone to.

"I'm alright. I'm just overwhelmed and in awe of you right now. I'll be alright." he said as he kissed my neck.

I threw my head back and laughed. Typical Edward Cullen. God, I loved this man.

"Emilia, don't laugh at me, I am already feeling inadequate at this very moment."he chastised me.

"I'm not laughing at you Edward. Okay, I am. But it's in a good way Edward. I love you." I beamed at him.

"You are a very strange creature Emilia Cullen." he said as he placed a finger on the edge of my chin. "Most husbands would be very put off to have their wives laughing at them in while engaged in such. . . hedonistic activities." His finger slowly traced down over my neck and lightly outlined my collar bone before moving down to swirl itself delightfully over a perked nipple.

I ran my own hands down his glorious chest and over his stomach muscles, teasing him as I my fingers grazed against him before I slipped my fingers around him. "You don't seem _that_ put off, dear. Quite the opposite," I said as I began to ever so slowly stroke him. A sound that was a cross between a moan and a growl rumbled from his throat.

If I had the ability to have goosebumps, I would be having them now as his hands gripped my thigh, pulling it up to his waist. I let go of him and my hands found his face and I brought it crashing down to meet my lips. I savored every part of his mouth, letting myself taste his sweetness. It was torture, this waiting for him. I bucked my hips up to express my impatience and he chuckled at me. He was driving me mad.

"Wanting something dear?" he whispered to me, lowering himself just slightly so I could feel him press against me, teasing me. I sighed and with a calculated move, moved myself forward just slightly so that he entered me.

"Not anymore," I grinned wickedly at him.

His thrusts were slow at first. They were sweet and tender, belying the undercurrent of our neediness and greed for each other. I ran my hands down the smooth plane of his back, legs clutched tightly around his waist. His lips seemed to be all over me at once, sweeping against the hollow of my throat and across my collarbone before returning to my neck and mouth. With a marked urgency, I raised myself off the floor to fully meet him, egging on his passion till it met mine.

Edward sighed and with one quick motion, he stood up, pulling me up with him, my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist. We stumbled backwards till Edward's back hit a wall. I heard the plaster crack and then fall under the crash and I groaned. There was the first repair work we had caused. I giggled as I put my hands around his face and kissed him. His hands braced me, holding tightly to my bottom as I moved myself up and down on him in a steady increasing rhythm that matched our frantic kissing. The sound of more plaster work cracking and the sound of old wood creaking against the strain of us led Edward to sigh before he carefully laid us back down on the floor. Seizing an opportunity, I rolled him over and sitting astride him,found a new rhythm for us.

I placed my hands on his chest and leaned forward slightly, allowing us to to have full penetration to each other. Rocking against him in a frenzied beat, I let my self slip to that exact point of passion that wipes away everything and the only thing you can think about in that moment is your own pleasure and how to achieve it. I was now grinding myself into him, releasing everything I had held on to up until that moment and an overwhelming heat took hold in my very core, radiating slowly outward. Edward felt this new urgency in my moves and he pulled me down to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me. If my body could explode, it would be doing so in this moment. I let out a cry as a million emotions ran through me, seemingly to exit every point of my body. Against my own strains, I felt Edward release himself into me, pressing me so tightly to him that I thought we were going to meld into one being.

I lay on top of him, unwilling to move. No, I was unable to move. Edward was absolutely still under me. We let the moment wash over us and we lay enjoying the peace that followed. Edward began to hum a little medley and I ran my fingers lazily through his hair. I sighed as I rolled off of him and onto the floor. I threw my arms above my head in completer ecstasy and closed my eyes. Still humming, Edward rolled over on his side and began to trace imaginary circles across my stomach. It tickled me and my stomach drew itself in against the prickles of this teasing.

We lay there in the silence of the night. The sounds of the rain falling against the house, the house settling around us, its slight creaks and groans that humans could never hear. It was comforting and nothing needed to be said. Such was the beast of forgiveness.

I rose from the floor and went to window. This room was blessed with many tall windows that overlooked the large grounds. I leaned lightly against one and let myself look out over the landscape. The rain resembled small shards of glass as it fell and tiny rivers of it made its way down the panes of glass. I felt Edward walk up behind me and he slipped his arms around my waist as he leaned his head down to nuzzle his face against the back of my neck. I sighed in contentment as he placed light kisses along the base of my neck and back.

"I truly don't know what I would've done if you hadn't forgiven me Emilia. I don't know that I could ever be without you. You are ingrained in my very soul. You belong to me. And I am yours." he said as he continued to lay down kiss after kiss on my neck.

I placed my head against the window, it felt nice against the eternal coolness of my skin. Edward placed one hand on my shoulder and with his other hand he pushed against my stomach so that my bottom was pulled closer to him. I moaned as I felt him poke against me. I wiggled just slightly as this touch, a silent indicator to him that I wanted him. His hand ran slowly down my back and I bent down over the window casing, using my hands to steady myself. His hand ran over my bottom and then I felt his hand leave my body as he went to his ready member and guided himself into me. I closed my eyes as his first thrust bucked me forward and I had to catch myself against my slipping hands on the casement. His arm around my stomach pulled me in closer to him and I gasped as another sharp thrust threatened to send me through the window. I pushed myself back into him, still using my hands on the window casement as my base. I let my head fall against the casement, resting on top of my hands as my fingers tore into the woodwork.

Edward increased the tempo of his thrusts seeing my reaction and I matched his moves by slamming myself into him. He growled as he bent down to kiss my back, both of us now in the heat of bucking wildly into each other. I straighted myself to mold to his body, lifting my arms behind me to caress his hair. I turned my face to the side and he met my mouth with fevered kisses. His hand moved from the flat plane of my stomach to find itself cupping me protectively and then rubbing me till I was once again over the edge. I cried out with the bliss and if I could cry actual tears, they would be streaming down my face in absolute rapture.

He pulled out of me and before I could express regret he had me in his arms and carried me back to the floor. He laid me carefully down before he found himself on top of me. I held out my arms for him and spread my legs apart so that he could move to place himself between them. I tightly wrapped my legs around his waist and using all my strength, pulled him down on me. In the frenzy of my hips rocking up to meet him and his thrusting, we were melted into one throbbing unit, crying out to each other from the depths of our pleasure. This was not the slow, gentle love we had known before, this was an urgent, hard love that we both needed. Our bodies slamming together on the dirty floor, exposing us to each other. All our desires and frustrations were coming out now, healing us. It was raw. It was unmerciful. It was heaven. It was all ours. We belonged to each other.

And we were together as we came to the edge and this time we both went over, not holding back. We were a writhing, shuddering pile of pure ecstasy on that dirty floor. I was left gasping as Edward fell on top me. My legs were shaking as I let them fall away from his waist to the floor. I threw my arms around him, not ever wanting to let go. . .

We let our passion consume us. It was somehow different this time. Almost as if this was our first time with each other. We didn't pull apart from each other until the rising sun began to slip through the windows. We lay on the dust covered floor, completely in rapture with each other. Only the realization that the workers would be soon at the house had made us stop.

"Esme will be glad we didn't bring the house down around us." I said, basking in the warm afterglow.

"Hm. I'm a bit disappointed." Edward murmured lazily, one arm draped over his closed eyes.

"We have all the time in the world to destroy houses in the heat of passion. I'm glad it wasn't this one. I rather like this one." I said as I pushed myself up off the floor. Our clothes, what was left of them, lay in tatters on the floor. I scrunched my face as I picked up my ripped shirt and put it on.

"I guess we are going home then." Edward got up the floor and we both pulled on our pants. I laughed when I saw his zipper had been torn completely away from his.

"It's a good thing we have extra clothes in the car," he said as he surveyed the damage.

We went out to the car and we both dressed each other in the new light of the day. My stomach fluttered had his hands grazed me to button my shirt. I smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him.

"Lets go home." I said as I dropped our shredded clothes in the trunk.

"I've never been so happy to get home." he said as he closed the trunk. "Emilia?"

"Hm," I said as I began to walk to the driver side door.

"Give me the keys, I'm driving us home." he winked at me, knowing I couldn't resist him.

I pouted before I handed him the keys. Settling in the car, we headed back to Edinburgh, and to our family. A complete family. And the source, next to Edward, of all my happiness.

* * *

"Oh, but don't you remember Edward? How you promised me that you would do whatever it took to gain me back to your good graces?" I smiled at him, but he didn't look happy.

"This is unnecessary Emilia. You already know I am bonded to your heart," he said dejectedly. I could have sworn Edward Cullen had just pouted.

"It's just so. . . undignified," he said, not catching the smirk I gave him.

Oh, for Pete's sake Edward, it's not like I am asking you to dress in my clothes and prance about the streets. Tempting as that sounds to me right now." I smiled very wickedly at him. "Just do it already."

He rolled his eyes at me and sticking his thumbs in his ears, he bent over the crying baby and wiggled his fingers as he made a crazy face at the crying baby. Masen stopped crying to focus on the sight in front of him and a small grin danced across his tiny face.

"See?" I said as I reached down to pick up the now happy and freshly diapered baby. "God, sometimes, I think you need to have that stick up your ass surgically removed. Was that so hard? He likes when you are goofy. Dads are allowed to get silly. I swear ,they are. I promise."

Edward shrugged and made another pouty face at me. "It's hard for me to let loose sometimes."

Now I was the one who rolled my eyes. "No kidding."

* * *

I loved Edinburgh. Every time I walked the city streets, I found something new. Walking past coffee shops and bakeries, I deeply inhaled the smell of freshly brewed coffee and bread. I felt a slight pang of regret that I wasn't able to enjoy these human things anymore. The blood of animals kept me full and satisfied me well enough, but I could still faintly remember the way certain things used to taste. The venom in my mouth cut the flavor though. I had once tried to eat a chocolate candy bar. It wasn't sweet like I had thought it should've been. Instead, it had a metallic taste. I was disappointed when I had to spit it out. I guess in gaining forever, one had to make such concessions.

* * *

"Do I have any more wrongs to make right with you?" Edward said, throwing an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Oh, you have many," I said, looking at him.

He frowned at me.

"You can start making them up to me tonight. I figure you owe me quite a few nights actually," I said, casting him a little grin.

"I love you." he said as he squeezed me closer to him.

"I know."

He stuck his tongue out at me. "You can be awfully impertinent you know that?"

"I do know. And I also happen to know you LOVE it when I am impertinent."

He growled at me as I led us to our bedroom.

"Are you ready?" I cooed at him seductively.

He winked at me. He was ready. "Do you want to go first? Or shall I?" he asked, always the gentleman.

"It doesn't matter to me. I will finish before you do." I said as I pouted my lips out.

He laughed at this. "It just takes some practice. It's been awhile."

I sighed. "So, you're saying it's like riding a bike?"

He nodded at me. "It's exactly like that."

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you say so. You'll help me, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Do want to do it in the bed? Or maybe the floor? I guess we could do it on the dining room table." I said casually.

"I guess, doesn't really matter to me. We could do it in Carlisle's office, but I don't want to disturb him or Esme. You can get quite vocal." he said looking at me.

"Let's just do it in here then. I'll try to be quiet." I said as I turned to the bed. I sat down and then leaned across the bed. Edward sat down beside me and pinched my rear as I was leaning over.

"You better watch it buster!." I teased him. I found what I was looking for in the night stand and twisted back around.

"It looks smaller," I said, looking down at him.

"It does? Looks the same to me." he shrugged.

"Wow, I guess it really has been awhile." I conceded.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to you know?" he said smiling at me.

"Oh, I want to do this." I answered back.

"Alright then, what the lady wants, the lady gets. Open your hand," he said, gesturing to my hand.

I held out my open hand for him.

He placed two small dice in it and I shook my wrist and let the dice fall on the Parcheesi board.


End file.
